Episode 88 - What if...?

I don’t know about you, but I often find myself asking the question; what if…? The world is full of possibilities and sometimes I like to explore them. Sometimes it’s just for the fun of imagining a different reality, like what if Dinosaurs aren’t really extinct, but they’re just really good at hiding? Or what if the Queen is really a Dalek in disguise? More often though, the thoughts are actual possibilities that bare some pertinence to my life. What if I started doing this or stopped doing that. But this isn’t a question that is limited only to future possibilities. I also often find myself asking “What if…?” about things that have already happened, about events in the past, like what if I hadn’t have done that or had done the other.

Now this isn’t as fun as wondering about the possibility of the moon actually being made of cheese. Nor is it immediately as obviously useful as considering possible courses of action before taking one. It does however have its uses. It provides a way to reflect upon what we have done, maybe correct any mistakes we’ve made or learn to do something different the next time we’re in a similar situation. It is though, not without its dangers. Much like guilt, if this pattern of thought is held onto longer than its initial usefulness, it can begin to weigh us down and unhelpfully make us dwell on our mistakes. I even find that as a Christian, it can affect the way I view God.

It becomes easy to think if I’d have behaved in a different way, then maybe God would have done something different in my life and I can accidently view my relationship with God as something very formulaic and almost robotic; I do good things God will bless me, if I do bad things God will punish me. This is actually a little bit ridiculous because the whole concept of the “what if” question is completely irrelevant to God for two reasons. The first is that from the very beginning of time, He already knew all that would unfold in time. He already knows everything that will happen, which means He has no need to consider alternative realities because He knows that no alternatives will ever happen.

Secondly and even more amazingly, He also already knows every possible combination of events and every tiny detail of their consequences that could ever happen, which means that He doesn’t have to think “what if..?” because He already knows! He even already knows the exact difference that something as seemingly insignificant as you missing breakfast or buying a different pair of shoes would make! And furthermore, there isn’t a single thing that we could do to change the way that He thinks about us.

This radically changes the way I see God. The most obvious example of this is the way I view Jesus dying on a cross in order that I might be able to know God. For a God who has to ask “what if…?”, this is the action of someone who invested in a people who then let Him down and so to make something out of His investment had to come up with a plan to make the best of a bad situation; namely Jesus on a cross.

But for a God who has no need to ask “what if…?”, this is no longer the case. Jesus hanging on a cross does not speak of a God who took a risk on Mankind, but rather of a God who knew (not expected, but knew with absolute certainty) Mankind would fail, but chose to make and love them anyway, already knowing exactly what it would cost Him; namely, Jesus on a cross. And so it is in every aspect of our lives. There is nothing good we could do to make Him love us more, nor no bad thing we could do to make Him withhold the good things He plans for us. There is nothing we can do to surprise God. Yet God’s love never ceases to surprise me every day.

Episode 87 - Merry Christmas!

By happy coincidence this weeks blog falls on Christmas day! With that it mind it seems only right and proper to dedicate it to wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and to break out this old treasure from the Joey archives too...

Episode 86 - Something's coming...

It is now December. Christmas trees are appearing in town centres and Christmas adverts have already been on the TV for weeks. This week I opened the first (and then second and third) doors on my MAF advent calendar. It’s the beginnings of the build up to Christmas and already my heart is starting to get excited, although it doesn’t really feel like Christmas yet – probably because it’s still three weeks away. Now I am usually one of the first to suggest that Christmas is really far more commercial than is probably healthy, and that it is ridiculous that certain shopping centres put up decorations as early as the beginning of November, and that in many ways people seem to have lost the focus of what Christmas is about. But even so, I have to admit that I actually love the Christmas hype. It all adds to the suspense and the atmosphere, and the feeling that something truly significant and important is coming soon.

Nothing says Christmas like an aeroplane - It's red and everything!

And of course it is – Christmas, when we celebrate the day that Jesus, fully man yet fully God come to earth to live a perfect human life, with suffering but yet without fault, all so that man might know God. One of the greatest days in human history so far, only surpassed by the day He died on a cross so that nothing would stand in the way of us knowing God for ourselves. I mean, this is the stuff of legend, of Hollywood blockbusters, and of folk songs. And yet all of this, so I believe, is true – now that’s surely worth the hype and something worth celebrating!

The Christmas story is full of climax and the building of tension, from choirs of angels, to worshiping shepherds, to a bright shining star which guided belated wise men with their gifts from afar. And just as this major event in the story of the world seems to have its very own narration with both the heavens and the earth acknowledging the significance of this moment, so too, the defining moments of our lives sometimes seem to have a similar narration. Whether it’s the words of those around us, the raincloud that seems to open in sympathy with our circumstances or the look of the moon which always knows how to reflect the mood of my soul. Sometimes the world seems to know exactly what we’re going through. And sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes the world just seems to carry on, running its own merry course, oblivious to the magnitude of what we are going through. Mary must have felt like that often on her journey. Not least of all when she was in labour far from home and with nowhere to go.

How do you always know how I feel Mr Moon my old friend?

As Christmas comes, for some of us it will be a highlight in a time of joy and prosperity. For others it will be a welcome break in a hectic schedule, something to look forward to. To others still it will be something to be endured with the promise of a return to normality afterward. And to others it will be just another day in a life full of daily struggles. And Jesus came into this world for every one of us. Regardless of circumstance or situation, He came for all of us. And even if no-one else in the world recognises what we are going through, He does. And He came for us, to share what we are going through, whether joy or pain. And He understands for He has already experienced the joy and the pain that this life has to offer. This is what I celebrate. Jesus, who came to live amongst us, so that He might know us, despite what it would cost Him. Who knows fully all that we are and all that we are going through, and yet is never deterred by it. Who loves us completely and did it all just so we might know Him too. And that’s worth more than just celebrating – it’s worth the worship of my heart.

Episode 85 - Fan Loyalty

This weekend England played Papua New Guinea in the quarter final of the rugby league world cup. Now you might think it would have been difficult for me to decide which side to support. However, you probably would only think this if you didn’t already know a couple of things about me. The first thing is that I actually support Wales in Rugby Union international matches (I’m sorry!). The second is that before living in Papua New Guinea (where they live and breathe rugby league), I never really paid much attention to the sport. That soon changed once I arrived in Papua New Guinea and my friends quickly taught me everything I now know about rugby league. Needless to say from that time on I was a vehement PNG Kumuls fan, just as my friends are! So come the day of the game, there was never really any doubt as to who I would be supporting and the truth is that I couldn’t have changed my team even if I wanted to.

They may have lost to England but they did themselves proud

That’s the funny thing about supporting a sports team isn’t it? Once you pick your team, that’s it. They’re your team. There’s no going back. It doesn’t matter which team you chose, or why you chose them, or even how flawed your seven year old brain was when it chose to support Newcastle United Football Club. Nor does it matter how much heart ache your team has caused you over the years, you heart will always support them. Such allegiance, such unquestioning, unshakable loyalty is really quite incredible. I started to think if there were other things I had such allegiance to, because as much as I love sports, surely there are things more deserving. 

I started thinking about my relationships and there are definitely some people whom I will always support and forgive no matter what, or at least I certainly hope so. But relationships are a bit more complicated than following a sports team. People can hurt us in a variety of different ways whereas pretty much the worst thing a sports team can do is to continually play poorly (if you support a particularly imaginative football team, you may also be able to add mid-game inter-team brawls and the signing of a player based on viewing a YouTube clip). So to commit yourself to support someone no matter what they do, really is a huge ask, and not something that one can say lightly or freely.

Sometimes your team will let you down...

And then there was God. Who can not only say that He has such unconditional loyalty and love for a special few, but for everyone. And that, not only based on the possibility of what He might imagine we all could do, but knowing all of the worst things that we have and will ever do (as well as all that we’re capable of too). And He chose to do so knowing that the cost of such unconditional loyalty and love was not only disappointment or personal grief, but also the death of His perfect son Jesus so that we might know this love for ourselves. And it was in that moment I re-learnt once again the depth and strength of God’s love for us. And I remembered that it was my calling to learn to love like He does. Not just to reserve my love for those whom I think may become deserving, but for all including those who are undeserving, knowing that I have done nothing to deserve the unconditional love of my God. Fortunately my calling is to learn how to love like Him, so I’m not expected to have got there just yet. I can only try to get a little closer each day.

Episode 84 - Guiding Hand

Next week marks a year since I first displayed any symptoms of being ill. And although little progress has been made in finding a way back to health, God has clearly used this time to help me grow personally. And whilst progress in the matter of getting better may have been slow, it is most definitely there – with the biggest step forward probably being made this week when I went to a Neurological Physiotherapy department (who knew that there was such a thing?) for a screening appointment. For the first time during my illness, I saw someone who sounded like they would be able to help me, rather than passing me on to another department or sending my away empty handed. And whilst it was only a screening appointment and it is still early days, I must confess to being filled with cautious anticipation and hope. 

It is a major breakthrough, but this is just the beginning and I suspect the path forward from here will not be an easy one. As it was only the screening appointment, a course of action has not yet been decided upon, but it would seem that whatever the plan is, it will involve pushing myself into activities which make me uncomfortable and which for the short-term at least will make my symptoms worse. This is hard for me for two reasons: the first of which is the unsurprising fact that I would like to avoid my symptoms getting worse as they aren’t particularly pleasant. 

The kind of crazy looking equipment that can be found in a Neurology Physiotherapy Department

The second reason is that history seems to be against me. I should explain; when I first became ill I too decided that my best chance of recovery was to push myself slowly into doing more things until I was able to live my life as normal again. And so I tried. And tried. And tried. Until I just couldn’t anymore and I realised that I not only wasn’t making any progress at all, but that I was actually making myself worse. And so I stopped pushing myself and instead withdrew myself to a place where my symptoms were far more manageable. It would therefore be easy to think that this pursuit will be in vain. However, this time there is one thing different; I have the guidance of someone who knows and understands what it is I’m fighting with and how it works.

As I thought about this and re-secured my hope, I realised that my present situation is not too dissimilar to one which seems to have played-out through my life over and over again. You see often in life I struggle with things, with life itself, whether it’s a situation or a character trait. And so I try to deal with it by facing up to it, ready for the difficulty that comes with it. And so I try and try and try, until finally I can take no more and so I give up, or give in, or just simply run away from it having achieved nothing. Eventually I realise that the problem was that I was doing it on my own when all along there was someone willing to help me. Not only willing, but truthfully, also the only person who could help me because He knows what I’m fighting and can give me the strength and direction to get through it. And it’s always the same person – God. So I’ll try to stop fighting my life on my own and try to ask the only one who already has all the answers for direction more often!

Episode 83 - Space, Time and Energy

Throughout most of my life there have been things that I have really wanted to do, but never seemed to have the time. I now find myself in a place where I seem to have all the time in the world, but I don’t have the energy to do anything! It seems like some kind of cruel irony. Of course the truth of the matter is that if I did have the energy, then I wouldn’t have the time because I’d be busy with other things. All of this leads to a very interesting question; “did I really want to do those things after all?” Or at the very least; “how much did I really want to do those things?”

Sometimes our limited time makes us want to rush...

when really it should make us slow down and appreciate what we've got.

A simple if not particularly cheery truth about life, is that it only lasts so long. So we all have a limited amount of time to use, and I guess for most of us, there are more things that we’d like to do than there is time in our lives. At first that might sound slightly depressing, but it’s actually really exciting; it means that there are enough things of value in this world to keep us busy right up to our very last days! It does however raise one very important question; how do I really want to spend my time? It occurs to me that either I’ve spent too much time getting distracted from the things that I really want to do by things that are not so important to me, or I’ve spent too much time wishing I could do things that aren’t nearly as important to me as the things that already fill my life up and I should be spending much more of my time appreciating them! I’m not sure which it is yet, I suspect probably a bit of both.

Episode 82 - Brick by Brick

This week I’ve been thinking about Lego. I don’t really know why, but to be fair, why not? I guess maybe because sometimes life feels like making a Lego model. You keep adding more bricks and more bricks but nothing seems to really take shape. Until suddenly towards the end, you can finally begin to see what it is you’ve been working at take shape and it all makes sense. Did you know that there are over 25,000 different types of Lego block? That’s an incredible amount! But then when you consider what you can do with those blocks, it suddenly seems comparatively tiny, because with just those blocks, you can make pretty much anything! If you can imagine it, you can probably make it. And it’s not limited to just models, I have friends who have made useful household items out of Lego, from Jewellery to coffee tables, I even have friends who have used the hands of the little men to hold their USB cables for them when not in use!

All of these possibilities from a choice of 25,000 types of brick seemed incredible, until I looked out of the window. Did you know that there are currently 118 different known elements? With probably a few hiding under the bed or behind the sofa. With just these 118 different building blocks God made the whole world and everything in it. Not just a stationary model that’s good to look at (read play with), but a beautiful dynamic world, ever changing and self-sustaining, with beauty and design beyond our conceiving. A universe that extends beyond our imagination and a world where we literally hold life in our hands. A universe with more stars in the sky than grains of sand on the earth and a world where there are more lifeforms on one person’s skin than there are people on the planet. What an amazing world we live in and what an amazing creator, who made it all, even the building blocks themselves!

My thoughts were to take one last jump though. As I wandered around St Paul’s Cathedral a number of years ago, I admired the intricate stonework and all the different types of building materials used. And I started to think about God’s true Church – not the buildings, but His people. There are, well, I don’t know how many, I haven’t done the maths, but there’s certainly quite a few of us throughout the world. And the amazing thing is that each one of us is truly unique. There’s no two of us the same. And were not haphazardly created – we’re not abstractly unique, but we’re designed and intentionally created – fit for purpose. How amazing is that? So if God can make the whole universe with just 118 different pieces, just imagine what he can do with all of us if we let Him!

Episode 81 - Sanguma

I may have only lived in Papua New Guinea for little over 6 months, but it and it's people are and will always be firmly placed upon my heart. There is much that I openly talk about with anyone who will listen, but there are other things that I am much less willing to talk about these. This is because I am very aware that my meagre 6 months leaves me painfully ill equipped and lacking in knowledge of such subjects. Sanguma is one of these topics. Whilst there are many wonderful beautiful things about Papua New Guinean culture, like anywhere in the world, it also has it's own unique struggles too. Sanguma is one of these troubles and I recently came a cross an article that explains a bit about it far better than I could, so I wanted to share it with you. MAF even get a mention! You can read it here.

The Beautiful PNG

Episode 80 - Lost in Time

I must start this blog with an apology to those who read it every week. Last week, for the first time in over a year, there was no blog. I forgot. I’m sorry. To tell the truth, last Monday came and went before I realised that, well, Monday had come and gone. My illness doesn’t really have a pattern or a routine, and consequently, nor do I really (although I try). Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, without any apparent rhyme or reason, so I do what I can when I can. For the most part this works very well, but it does mean that I have very little concept of time at the moment, as there doesn’t seem much by which to mark it. Strangely, in a way, this reminded me of my time in Papua New Guinea.

I have always loved the seasons and the way the British countryside changes over the year and then comes right back to where it started. I have considered it a real joy to be back in England to watch the cycle. Whenever anyone asks me what my favourite season is, I find it difficult to answer because I genuinely love them all and the next one always seems to come at just the right time. But for me, it’s always been more than just an adventure, it’s a marker of time. As one season rolls into the next it’s a time that reminds me to look back and what has happened, the good and the bad. A time to take stock and reflect. And a time to thank God, because whatever has happened good, bad or indifferent, there are always great things that God has done if we remember to look for them.

The four seasons

Papua New Guinea only has two seasons; a dry season, and a wet season. Whilst they are very distinct from one another, somehow there doesn’t seem to be the noticeable transition that there are between the seasons in Britain (or perhaps there was just too much going on for me to notice). As a consequence, with so much happening as I looked forward to the future, it was easy not to appreciate all that was and had been happening. Sometimes life is like British seasons; there’s lots of things happening and they’re all very noticeable. Other times life is more like the seasons in Papua New Guinea, things don’t really seem to change and the things that happen go almost unnoticed.

My life feels a little bit like that right now. Whilst in some ways every day is different and when I wake up in the morning I don’t know how I’m going to feel that day. But on the other hand, in the bigger picture, nothing seems to have changed for nine months; in fact my circumstances seem to be exactly the same! Then I stop and look and think about what life was really like nine months ago and what has happened in that time and I realise that whilst there has been no big step change to my circumstances, God has been working in so many ways! And so even when life seems to be the same as always, I will try to always find the time to look and see all that God really has been doing, and to thank Him that He never stops.

Episode 78 - Milkshake!

Last week I had the most amazing milkshake I have ever drunk in my life. It was a butter shortbread milkshake. The amazing thing was that it tasted of shortbread. Not like shortbread. Not like how every piece of exotic meat you’ve ever tasted, tasted like chicken, no. Not like shortbread. Of shortbread. It tasted exactly the same as shortbread. It was unmistakably shortbread. Except somehow creamy and smooth and well, liquid. This blew my mind. How was this possible!? The answer to this was of course painfully simple. It was made of shortbread. Lots of it. All crumbled up so that it could take on its new form and mix with the other ingredients. Simple. And delicious.

Just to prove that I'm not making this stuff up...

This of course got me thinking. There are many things in life that I want to be, and that I want to be good at. A good friend. A good son. A good engineer. A good drummer. But there is one thing I want more than anything else – something which actually makes all these other things happen too. I want to be a good person. Actually, I want to be the best person I can be – the best me I can be. Fortunately God wants this too and is always ready to lend a helping hand. He even made a blueprint for me to look to – Jesus – who actually lived a perfect life. And so what I want to be, is to be like Jesus. Or do I? Perhaps I can learn something from the milkshake. Perhaps I should focus a little less of my time on copying Him and a little more time on letting Him into my heart. So from this point forward I will endeavour to be a milkshake – made with only the finest ingredients, after all, you are what you eat!

Episode 77 - Independence!

Just a short one this week to say... Happy Independence day Papua New Guinea!

Saturday marked 42 years of independence! Here is a link to an article about some independence day preparations, I'll add more about the celebrations themselves as they get published...

Episode 76 - Acheivement

This week (after months of working on it) I finally submitted my tax return. This is a huge achievement and something that felt very satisfying. Normally of course this wouldn’t be the case. However with being able to do less your goals become less too. The curious thing is that the sense of achievement remains the same. On one hand, this seems quite logical; whilst the task is smaller the difficulty is greater and so the same amount of work needs to be done – it makes sense. But when you look into this further it has a strange implication; the satisfaction gained from accomplishing something is dependent upon how difficult it is to achieve. Whilst I seem bound by these rules, I don’t understand why. It’s incredibly difficult to balance three balls on your nose, yet relatively simple to help out at a soup kitchen once a week – surely I should gain more satisfaction from the later than the former, and yet in truth, would I? Honestly I don’t know. The only conclusion I can draw is that subconsciously I’ve been looking at achievement all wrong and so from now on I’ll try to stop looking at how hard what I do is to achieve and look at how much what I do achieves instead.

Episode 75 - Sori Not Sorry

The English use their own language in ways that no one else does in ways that it was never intended to be used. We are famed for not saying what we mean and meaning what we do not say. Of all the words that we English misuse one probably stands out above them all – sorry. Whether it’s to make something mean sound nicer (such as; I’m sorry to disagree with you but you’re wrong), as a replacement for “please could you repeat that I didn’t hear you”, or anything in between, I have probably used them all. But there is one particularly way that I use the word that often seems to cause confusion in the recipient of my remark – that is when I use it to show sympathy. When somebody shares sad news with me I will often express my sympathy by saying I am sorry, to which I often receive the response; “why are you sorry, it’s not your fault… is it?” It’s as though to say sorry is not just a show of compassion or sorrow, but also an act of taking responsibility for a wrong you have committed, like feeling sorry is an obligation of wrongdoing and nothing else. But this response would not be elicited in Papua New Guinea.

In Tok Pisin the word “sori” from the English “sorry” means sorrow. It is the word that is used to apologise, but it is also the same word that is used to express that one is sad. To use this expression to convey your compassion for another’s misfortune would not be considered unusual at all. In fact, in a world where it is normal to ask someone how they are and not only want them to answer truthfully but to also be interested in their answer, it is also totally normal not only to express empathy, but to actually share in the feelings of that person. Upon reflection of this I found it strange that compassion and empathy could be a product of culture, one that seemed missing in my own, replaced instead by stoicism and reliance upon self. I even worried that we Brits must seem cold and uncaring to the rest of the world, and even considered that perhaps we were. However then I realised that we were just as capable of compassion and empathy as anyone, we just don’t say it. At least not with words, and certainly not with the words you might expect. Still having been embraced by such open compassion and now knowing how good it feels, I will try to let my own compassion out a little bit more.

Episode 74 - Trusting God in the Unknown

In an outrageous act of recycling, this week I thought I'd share an article I wrote for the MAF monthly prayer devotion about my current situation (to read the original or to sign up to receive these devotions each month by e-mail, click here), so here it is...

There was once a guy called Paul. You’ve probably heard of him. He brought Christianity to Europe and wrote much of the New Testament. But, sometime before all that, he felt called by God to tell the Good News about Jesus Christ to what is now modern-day Turkey. Turkey and the surrounding area was the socio-economic hub of the world at that time, so making an influence there would be a way of influencing the world. It was a big job and one that Paul was no doubt excited about. However, only a short way into his journey, he found that he was unable to share God’s Word there.

In some ways, I can relate. At the beginning of 2015, I felt God call me to go to Papua New Guinea (PNG) to serve the people there with my engineering skills. It wasn’t that I thought this would be a good thing to do, or that it was something of which God would approve. No, God made it irrevocably clear that this was what He wanted me to do. It happened with a clarity I couldn’t doubt and a certainty that I knew I’d need to hold on to in the future — although I didn’t know why at the time.

Getting stuck in

In the summer of 2016, I moved to PNG and began to work with MAF there. I very much enjoyed myself, settled in well, and like to think that I made an impact for God’s glory there too. But after six months, I became ill and had to come back to England to be treated. Much about my illness still remains a mystery. The prognosis for my recovery in the future is good, but when this will occur is totally unclear. I am very much in a time of uncertainty.

It is easy to question whether I misunderstood what God was telling me when I felt called, but I know this is not the case. It’s easy to feel that I failed in some way, that I wasn’t strong enough, but I know this was always God’s work and it was only because of His strength that I’d be able to achieve this task – a strength that I know never fails. It’s easy to feel lost because, well, I am. But that’s okay, because I’m travelling with God and He doesn’t just have the map, He made it!

The Bible doesn’t tell us how Paul felt when he was unable to carry out his plans. It’s also unclear as to why Paul wasn’t able to share the Good News about Jesus. It does however tell us that God was the author of this interruption. It also tells us what Paul did next. He carried on! He tried to preach throughout the whole region and, when he wasn’t able to, he moved on to the next. He carried on and on until he found himself at the very tip of Turkey. From there, God led him to bring the Gospel to Europe, which would remain the social and economic hub of the world for the next 2,000 years. It was something Paul could never have known at the time, but was something God had planned all along.

Episode 73 - Words of Enocuragement

I'm feeling pretty wiped out this week, so I'm just gonna leave you with two passages of encouragement that come to mind, hopefully they'll bless you just as they bless me...

...so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

- 2 Corintians 12: 7-10

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

- Matthew 11: 28-30

Episode 72 - Singing Songs to Heaven

As I have shared some of my own poetry with you in the past, this week I thought I'd share some Papua New Guinean words. I was looking through my Tok Pisin song book from a rural church and thought it would be nice to translate a few songs for you, so here goes (please forgive my poor translation)...

Oh God you are a watchman

Oh God you are a watchman

You are always watching over my life

Everywhere I go

Everywhere I stay

You are always watching over my life

When I get on a plane

Or I travel by boat

When I travel by bus

You are always watching over my life

On the mountain top

On the mountain top

Go down into the valley

Cross the seas and keep on going

Come and sing

Come and be happy

We hold hands and shout to Jesus

He will make you jump up and dance

He will make you cry with joy

Around the river of God

He will change your life

By the waters edge, the water has life

Angels with us holding hands

Doesn’t matter if you’re from the coast, Doesn’t matter if you’re from the Highlands

We hold hands and shout to Jesus

I’m a no good man, but Jesus received me 

I’m a no good woman, but Jesus received me 

I’m like a confused child

But Jesus received me 

Holy Spirit you are like fire

Holy Spirit you are like water

Holy Spirit you are like a wind from heaven coming down

You make me jump, jump

Yu make me dance, dance

You’re making me and my mind receive heaven

The word of God is very sweet

The word of God is very sweet 

It is like a peanut

It  pierces man’s heart 

The word of God is very sweet

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The word of God is very sweet

In Papua New Guinean culture the seat of emotions is considered to be the stomach (in contrast to the heart in western culture) In the last song, the word that I have translated heart actually means stomach and so the comparison of the bible being like a peanut actually has great depth and is a very clever analogy and refers to the way in which it satisfies our very being not just our hunger. I love reading the words to Papua New Guinean worship songs and the way that the explore and celebrate God and His creation, I hope you've found it enjoyable too!

Episode 71 - Done

I'm done
I can't do this anymore, I'm done
Whatever it is that's fighting me
I'm ready to say it's finished, you've won

My mind cannot think, it can't add two plus two

It can no longer tell what's false and what's true

My body keeps finding new ways to rebel

What it will be today, there is no way to tell

My spirit inside isn't willing to give in

but it no longer believes there's any way it can win

I'm not looking for sympathy and I don't mean to pout

I'm just desperately looking to find the way out

It's not that I no longer want to follow this plan

It's just that I really no longer think that I can

I'm exhausted and empty, I'm used up and I'm spent

I'm battered and broken, I'm bashed up and I'm bent

I feel like a song and the tune is still me

but the words don't fit the rhythm and I'm singing out of key

I've never been perfect, of that I am sure

But I've never been in this kind of place before

For all of my failings up to now

I've always had enough understanding to know how

To improve myself

Enthuse myself

And loose Myself

of the wrong and the old

Go to the Gym

Or put on a grin

Lift up my chin

And let the new unfold

But this isn't a problem with a solution I can bring

Nor a fight I can win and I'm flat on the floor of the ring

I have no way to start a new revolution

To bring this back to order and find a resolution

This can't be fixed with a new health regime

with working harder, or another release of dopamine

Because it's not about me, or my characters attire

I just happen to be here and got caught in the crossfire

Of happenstance and cosmic circumstance

Just bad luck and a matter of chance

There's no-one to blame, not even cause and effect

Just one of those things you couldn't expect

I'm not a special case deserving special attention

It's not like this is some new invention

Bad luck and circumstance happen all the time

And many are those who are victims of their crime

I am by no means surprised that such things can be

And I have no objection that it should happen to me

But the problem remains, though as deserving as any

I can't take any more, I need it to stop already

I'm waving the white flag, hoping the whistle will blow

I'm hoping that now some mercy it'll show

I've become a person that I know I am not

The person I know I am, seems completely forgot

Perhaps this is the real me inside

having striped away the things that I use to hide

But to tell the truth I don't like him so much

I preferred him with all the things he used as a crutch

But perhaps that is what this is all about

To throw all of what I think I am, into doubt

And make me question my own personal health

And to allow God to change what I can't change about myself

Because God is my own personal trainer

Walking with me always and pulling me from danger

So if this is the path He wants me to take

I know that it will be for my sake

But I still can't do this, I've got nothing left

Yet I know that He will never leave me completely bereft

I know that I am not completely lost

Because He already paid the greatest cost

So I will thank God that I cannot quit

Because if I could I'd have already said; "enough, that's it"

And missed out on the fullness of this lesson

Whatever comes of it I know will be a blessing

I can't do anymore, so I will stand still

And all I have left to learn, I'll let God fulfil

Not that I'm saying this will be easy or pain free

But I'll draw comfort from knowing God is with me

So I will just rest and dream of what I'll become

When all this is over, finished and done

Episode 70 - Words of Wisdom

This week I was talking with friends about how odd English sayings and expressions are (after using the expression "someone walked over my grave" to their complete confusion) and this started me thinking about some of the expressions I had heard during my time in Papua New Guinea and so I thought that would share some of them with you this week...

Work won't run away

Knowledge is only a rumour until it's in the muscle

Plant a Banana (meaning going to the toilet)

Number eleven (meaning a runny nose)

A saying from the Cassowary to her chicks:  Whatever falls from above is always the fruit of the tree, take and eat, but avoid anything from the ground moving towards you, because it will bring you harm.

Time can not wait. It goes and goes completely.

Six pocket (Cargo shorts)

I must have heard hundreds of expressions, but that seems to be all I can remember right now. Please tell me any you might know and I'll update the list!

Episode 69 - Driven By Purpose

Nobody sets out on a journey without a reason (even if the journey itself is the reason). In fact no-one does anything with something motivating them to do so. Purpose is a fundamental part of all of our lives and it drives everything that we do. At the moment I’m not really able to do all that much and as such my sense of purpose has diminished. It’s not that I feel I have no purpose, for in all things, wherever I am in life, I always feel that my purpose is to do whatever I am doing for God’s glory as Paul urges us to in the book of Colossians. The trouble is that when I feel unable to do anything, I feel unable to fulfil any purpose and so in a way feel purposeless. I feel like a raft bobbing up and in the middle of a wide ocean with no direction and no way to move myself forward.

How the Horizon Sometimes Feels...

This is not the first time in my life that I have felt like this. In this instance this feeling comes from not being able to do much, but the feeling of purposelessness can have many sources. It can come from feeling that you are making no progress in what you have set out to achieve, or even by achieving it. It can come from a change in circumstance or from there being no change at all for far too long. It can come from defeat and it can come from success. Whatever the reasons I have felt this way in the past, I can see that God has always lead my out of it and used this time to reenergise and redirect me. So I may be a powerless raft stranded at sea, but God is the power that moves the oceans currents, and I will draw strength by remembering His constant faithfulness all throughout my life.

One of the benefits of feeling purposeless because I’m not able to do very much, is that it gives me plenty of time to think about it. To think about what gives us purpose, and what our purpose is. We are all of course unique and as such, we all have a unique purpose, one that no-one else has, and one that changes throughout our lives too. But whilst we each have our own specific purpose, we also all have a universal purpose that never changes, the very reason that we as individuals and mankind as a species was put on this earth. Simply to know God. Now it should not be surprising that this is something that is easily overlooked in a culture that puts great worth on achievement above all else. But God didn’t make us simply to achieve something. If God was looking for results, He would just have done it Himself. He’d do it all a lot better than any of us could and have it completed with effortless speed too. He doesn’t just want us to do, but to be. With Him. To know Him and to spend time with Him. I have to confess that whilst I have always known this, this is something that I all too often and all too easily forget. And so, I will rejoice in this time of lost purpose, and use it to once again find my original purpose; to be with God.

Episode 68 - Words of Hope

I'm afraid I don't have much to say this week, so I thought that I would share with you the words of one of my favourite pieces of scripture that seems to keep coming up recently - Isaiah 35

Wilderness and desert will sing joyously,
the badlands will celebrate and flower—
Like the crocus in spring, bursting into blossom,
a symphony of song and color.
Mountain glories of Lebanon—a gift.
Awesome Carmel, stunning Sharon—gifts.
God’s resplendent glory, fully on display.
God awesome, God majestic.

 Energize the limp hands,
strengthen the rubbery knees.
Tell fearful souls,
“Courage! Take heart!
God is here, right here,
on his way to put things right
And redress all wrongs.
He’s on his way! He’ll save you!”

Blind eyes will be opened,
deaf ears unstopped,
Lame men and women will leap like deer,
the voiceless break into song.
Springs of water will burst out in the wilderness,
streams flow in the desert.
Hot sands will become a cool oasis,
thirsty ground a splashing fountain.
Even lowly jackals will have water to drink,
and barren grasslands flourish richly.

There will be a highway
called the Holy Road.
No one rude or rebellious
is permitted on this road.
It’s for God’s people exclusively—
impossible to get lost on this road.
Not even fools can get lost on it.
No lions on this road,
no dangerous wild animals—
Nothing and no one dangerous or threatening.
Only the redeemed will walk on it.
The people God has ransomed
will come back on this road.
They’ll sing as they make their way home to Zion,
unfading halos of joy encircling their heads,
Welcomed home with gifts of joy and gladness
as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.

Episode 67 - What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – or at least that’s what Nietzsche said. Of course he went mad in the end, which makes you rethink the wisdom of these words. I must confess that I think that sometimes I believe this phrase a little too much. There is no doubt to my mind that times of difficulty produce opportunities to grow in character. In fact, I can testify that the times of greatest personal growth in my life have come from the times I found the hardest. But that alone doesn’t make the statement true. Difficult times are by their nature unpleasant, and as such no-one seeks them out. I can appreciate what was achieved through my past struggles, and even be glad that these struggles happened in the past, without wanting any more. And so when I see difficult times coming, I have a tendency to avoid them as much as I can, to interact with the trouble as little as I can, so as to prevent being hurt by it. 

Of course you can’t run away from your troubles, but you can to a certain extent let them pass you by. This is no guarantee that you will avoid the pain of the situation, in fact, it often just delays or even prolongs it. But there is even more to this. I seem to think that however I get through this, either by facing up to it, or by burying my head in the sand, the reward is still the same – as in Nietzsche’s promise – all you have to do is not let it kill you. But this isn’t the truth of the matter. Like so much of life, ultimately what you get out is what you put in – even if this isn’t always immediately obvious. This is because this difficulty induced character is produced as a result of learning how to deal with these difficulties, learning how to grow to embrace and overcome them. If I just let them go by and ignore them, then I can learn nothing from them.

An adorable picture to illustrate the point...

I think I have written about this tendency of mine to hide from my troubles before, and it’s a tendency I suspect I will have to fight until the day I die. It’s hard because sometimes I don’t feel strong enough to face up to the struggles of this life. That’s because I’m not. But God is. And He never leaves me on my own to face these struggles. I just need to remember to keep my eyes on Him and not my problems. The ironic thing is that I can’t beat the struggles of life by fighting against them. I can only overcome them by letting them come.  Letting them wash over me. And I can only do that if I trust God completely. And I will only make it out on the other side if I follow Him as He leads me all the way through

Episode 66 - Well Cultured

When we talk about being well cultured, we often talk about going to the theatre or listening to the opera. It’s often about the arts and what past times we enjoy, but this of course is not the true depth of culture. Culture is much more than that. Culture is a set of ideas and customs within a society that form a foundation for the behaviour of those people. It’s like a list of (sometimes seemingly arbitrary) unwritten rules for how to behave. The funny thing is that as well as these unwritten rules that are placed upon us by our society, we also have these inbuilt tendencies for behaviour in our character or personality, and there is nothing to say that the two will match up at all. I sometime find it a cruel irony as I watch people I know struggle with their own culture when it fits so ill around them. There are many aspects to British culture, but one of the most famous is our inability to ever say what we actually mean. We are very rarely direct, we have a habit of skirting an issue and can often be can quite figurative in the way we speak. I find this quite poetic. My sister on the other hand is a times the most literal person I know. The other day she was talking about having  a very frustrating conversation when her husband asked her if she had to bite her lip. She looked at him bewildered for a while before simply asking, “how would that help anything?” As for myself, I’m not sure that I have ever felt like I particularly identified with my culture, but nor that it was ever a hindrance either. My relationship with my host culture changed dramatically however when I moved to Papua New Guinea.

 

His reflexes are to fast, he would catch it...

Unsurprisingly, Papua New Guinean culture is different to British culture in most aspects of life. I have to say that overall this new culture matched my character much more closely than my British culture. That felt rather strange to me, but it was incredible to be in a place where everyone said hello to you and you didn’t get strange looks when you smiled at strangers and that relationships came before everything – even work. Those things had never been seen as normal before (not that that ever stopped me). And so with this in mind you might think that I felt much more comfortable and at ease in this new culture, but the strange thing is, that I didn’t. At least to begin with that is, it should be said that I grew more comfortable with every passing day, and please don’t get me wrong, I adore much of Papua New Guinean culture, so why then did this new culture feel so strange to me if it came so much more naturally to me? The answer was simple, because it was new. Whilst much of what was acceptable behaviour in Papua New Guinea came naturally to me, it was not normal to me for this to be the acceptable thing to do and so I had to keep checking myself because the unwritten rules had changed. I’ll be honest, up to this point in my life I think I had always seen culture as a hindrance that stopped people behaving as they wanted to, but this gave me a new found appreciation for culture. You see regardless of whether it comes naturally to us or not, culture provides us with a framework to build relationships upon which help prevent us from making others uncomfortable. And so from now I will continue to try to make people feel more free to act according to their natural character, but I will also endeavour to respect the foundations for relationship we call culture a little bit more.