Episode 110 - I Don't Know Where I'm Going

I was talking with a friend recently and he shared a wonderful prayer with me which was written by a man called Thomas Merton. It was wonderful in fact, that I decided that this week I'd share it with you, so here it is!..

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Episode 109 - Special Delivery

Over the years I have visited the airport with my parents on numerous occasions. There's something about the journey that instantly brings up a whole range of emotions from past trips; excitement and nervousness, the anticipation of stepping out into a new adventure and leaving familiarity behind at least for a little while as I wave goodbye to my parents and watch them drive away. But yesterday the journey went differently. This time it was them who got out and waved whilst I drove away. Okay, there was some poetic licence used in that last sentence, my point is that this time it was them who were getting an aeroplane not me. They didn't actually wave to me as I drove off. That's because I insisted on walking them to the check out desk and explaining everything that would happen once they walked through the magic corridor along which I could not follow them. Just to be clear, between them they've flown once in the last 35 years, so I wasn't being patronising, or at least not without any reason, I was just really nervous for them.

In life, I think I have a tendency to always think of myself as the on who is being taken to the airport. I'm the one going on the journey or the adventure and I'm focused on what I'm doing and on what I'm hoping to achieve. And I think I've also always wanted to be that guy who's going somewhere, after all, who wants to be the driver when you can be the person going on holiday? It was kind of strange driving the car feeling all the usual feelings, only this time feeling them by proxy, feeling them on my parents behalf. It was strange, but also a weird privilege. To share in their journey as opposed to only being in immersed in my own. And another strange thing was that whilst these feeling were familiar to me they felt different to ever they had before, because they no longer existed for me and my circumstance, but for my parents and their current experience. It was strangely humbling to feel something I don't think I could ever feel for myself and to be a part of an adventure that wasn't my own. So from now on when life gives me the opportunity to be a taxi driver (metaphorically, although I am quite happy to give lifts when needed) I will grab it with both hands