Episode 140 - Decisions

This week I did something that I have not done for three months; I sat in a traffic jam. That wasn't my intention you understand. I wasn't overcome with nostalgia for being stuck in a hot car with an overwhelming sense of uncertainty and hopelessness. The traffic jam just sort of found me, or perhaps it was I who found it. And before I knew what was happening it was too late. I was happily sailing along (not literally) when I saw the traffic slowing down. Was this the start of a traffic jam or just a little stutter? As I slowed down, the junction to turn off the motorway seemed to accelerate towards me on my left hand side. If I turned off my journey would be at least twenty minutes longer, if I didn't the slowing cars in front of me might just speed up again and return to normal or they could slow to a stand still. I couldn't know, so I decided to stick to the plan and stay on the motorway. As I continued to slow I watched as the junction and my choice passed me by and stopped 50 yards behind me and just out of reach.

Half an hour later and as I looked in the rearview mirror I could still see that junction very gradually getting slightly further away. I thought a lot about the choice I made in that half hour and the half hour that would follow as I waited for the traffic jam to clear, not knowing how long it would last and watching as the estimated time of arrival on my sat nav got no closer to me. It was easy to regret not turning off whilst I had the chance, but as I thought about it more that regret left me. Sure I wished I was at home already, but I wasn't and there was no point being upset about it. On top of that, i couldn't possibly have known what was going to happen, I made the best choice I could have and I can't expect more of myself than that. I also realised that I had no idea what would have happened had I turned off, or what problems I may have faced, and likewise if i'd turned off I wouldn't have known what happened on the motorway. The moment I hit trouble would I have regretted my choice imagining the alternative would have been perfect? As I continued to think (I had plenty of time it wasn't like I was going anywhere…) I realised that the way I choose to think about the decisions I've made in life was no different to how I could choose to think about my journey home. Life definitely doesn't always turn out the way I had hoped, but I hope I can always choose not to regret the choices I have made knowing I've made what was the best choice I could.

Episode 139 - Puzzles

I like to understand things. I always have. At school I didn't enjoy learning something unless I understood why it was so and why I needed to know it. Nothing has really changed. Now though, it's not just lessons taught in school but life itself. When things happen and life turns out a certain way I like to understand why. Luckily for me I also enjoy solving puzzles and life is the greatest puzzle of all. All in all, none of this is a bad thing, or at least I don't think it is, but it does come with an unfortunate tendancy. In life I tend to want to work it all out on my own, just like I might if it were a puzzle in a newspaper. But it's not a puzzle in a newspaper and it's not cheating to get help. A puzzle is about testing what you can achieve but life is about learning and sometimes I forget that it can be good to learn together. And sometimes it shouldn't be a puzzle at all, I should just ask the person who wrote the puzzle!

Episode 138 - The Colourful Everyday

This weekend I was stood at the window with my mum watching the sparrows in the garden. My mum told me that whilst sparrows were very pretty she was sad that there were no colourful birds in her garden. This brought a friend of ours who always brown clothes to mind. He didn't wear brown clothes because he particularly liked the colour brown or that he liked to wear dull clothes, in fact, it was quite the opposite. He was colour blind and to him, the clothes he wore were some of the brightest and most vibrant around. I wondered what sparrows might look like to him. Maybe sparrows are the brightest and most vibrant birds in the world and I just can't see it. 

Sometimes the majority of our lives can feel pretty dull. By the definition of normal, most of what we do is just that; normal. It's easy to feel that our lives lack colour and wish that they were more interesting, but maybe we're looking at it all wrong. Maybe the things that we perceive as dull are actually the very best and brightest things we could have. Maybe it's the small repeated actions that really make the difference, not the big spectacles that last only a moment. Maybe it's the small unnoticed things which are truly noble, not the grand gestures which get all the praise. Maybe it's the people we see all the time; the shop keepers and street cleaners who are truly valuable to us rather than those we laud as important; the CEOs and celebrities, even revolutionaries and heros. Maybe I just need to change my perspective and I would see the ordinary, for the beautiful amazing wonder that it is. 

Episode 137 - When Heaven Meets Earth

The news is often hard to watch, but recently all that fills our screens in the wake of George Floyds murder has my emotions knotted up in a way that they haven’t been for a while. I’m filled with sorrow as I see the injustice, and the pain, and the broken relationship on both sides of the fence. When I hear people talk about it, I wonder if these words are serving to bring people together, or widen the divide. I’ll be honest, when I hear the phrase “Black Lives Matter” I feel a pain deep down inside my soul. I hate that phrase, but please before you judge me on what you think I might be about to say, take a moment to read it and see that it isn’t what it sounds like. I hate the phrase because the very slogan which is trying to enforce unity is emphasizing the difference. It’s making a big deal out of something which should not matter (the first word not the whole sentence). I hate it because it should not need to be said. But it does. I hate that in a world where we are able to make saltwater drinkable and can fly medical supplies to remote locations with drones, it’s needed to be said that our opinions of someone and their value should not be informed or decided upon by the colour of their skin. Or the uniform that they wear or the neighbourhood that they’re from. Nor is it okay to change our behaviour towards them because of these things. As much as I love this world, sometimes I really hate it.  

When Jesus walked upon this earth, He declared that the kingdom of Heaven (or of God depending upon whether you’re reading the gospel of Matthew or one of the other three accounts) was near. This kingdom that He spoke about was radically different from other kingdoms on earth. The rules of this kingdom where not made by man but by God. Its rules weren’t made to benefit just a few, nor were they a compromise where everyone missed out equally, rather it was a kingdom where everyone was equal and everything was as it should be. Yes, this kingdom is the one that will rule when the world as we know it ends, but it will not begin its rule then, in fact it’s already here. It’s not a kingdom with borders, whose rules you must follow once you step into its lands. Rather it’s a kingdom you chose to belong to wherever you are and whose rules you carry in your heart wherever you go. I for one am part of this kingdom, although I often fall short of its standards, my citizenship is never repealed, but rather my failings are met with mercy and grace. But as I watch all these things on my TV screen, I wonder how far have I fallen? It is easy to stand up for the way things should be when everyone else is, but what about when they’re not? Racial inequality is just one of the many injustices and failings that our world is often happy to ignore. It’s not just about joining in with the protest singers, it’s about what I hold to be right in my heart. And is that being shaped by the kingdom of God, or one of the many kingdoms of man?