Episode 57 - The Process

Some weeks when I come to write my blog I know exactly what I want to say. More often than not however, I have no idea at all. I sit at my computer desperately thinking over the past week, searching for something worth saying. I think and I pray and eventually an idea comes to mind. I think about this idea and pray about it and it grows into something more tangible. I start to write, trying to build a story, trying to work out where the main sections of the story should go. Then when they’re in place I work out exactly how I’m going to tell the story, often deleting parts just to find exactly the right word, until in the end the blog is complete.

 

Weaving a Story Like a Papua New Guinean Basket...

As I sat thinking about this as I came to write this blog I realised how similar in some ways this is to life. Sometimes in life I know exactly what I want to happen and where I am going. More often than not however, I haven’t got a clue. Sure I often know the very big picture, like knowing that I want to write a blog, but everything else is just a mystery. Having a blank canvas can be scary and even overwhelming. Discerning where or even how to start can seem impossible. I can all too easily get distracted with all the possibilities that I fail to see what I already have to build upon. I’ve heard it said that God gives enough grace to deal with what will happen today, not all the things that could happen tomorrow. Remembering this helps me to remember to apply the process of blog writing to life, and to be patient, to take it step by step and allow God to lead me where He wants me, in the order that He wants. There is no point getting the wording just right if I am writing about the wrong thing! And patient I must be, because just as the stories of life are so much fuller than those of a blog post, so the development of them takes so much longer too! So I will wait patiently but with eager expectation to see the story that God is writing in my life come together.

Episode 56 - A Little Word of Thanks

This week seems to have been a bit of a blur. I think I’ve spent half of it asleep and the other half only half awake. It’s not the first week that’s been like this, but I am very aware that during weeks like this I’m not particularly great at human interaction. I am blessed all the time by so many people in so many ways. From the kindness of doctors who patiently listen to me, to the enduring love of precious friends who deliver timely encouragements. On weeks like these however, I know that I don’t show the appreciation that I feel, and for that I’m sorry. I fear that I’m not able to show gratitude for the patience and kindness shown by those who speak to me. Some letters and e-mails which I receive I don’t respond to at all, and when I do respond, I’m not sure that they make any sense at all let alone convey my deep appreciation. Now I am sure that those concerned understand and I have often been told by those who write to me that I do not need to respond, but this desire does not come from a sense of duty. I want to show my appreciation because these acts really do make a difference to me. And so that is what this post is for. Even though I know that many of the people I am talking about will never read this. Somehow that doesn’t seem to matter. There seems to be something about acknowledging the good things in life and those who do good things, whether they know it or not. So here’s to all of you reading this and all of you who never will, that together make my life better – Thank you. And I thank God for each of you too.

Episode 55 – Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! An Easter message seems appropriate here, but of all the things I could talk about, none of them seem necessary. Only one thing seems important today. And when this is truly understood, it can be seen that everything of importance stands upon this foundation. This thing seems best described through an image rather than words. No, not the kind of cutesy picture with bunnies and chicks and Easter eggs that I have put at the bottom of this post. No, an image which is best seen with the mind rather than with the eyes. The picture is simply this; the son of God hung on a cross to die by His own choice so that we might be able to know God. Beautiful in its simplicity, yet the depth of the meaning of this moment in history reaches to eternity. In the light of this one image all else takes its place on the side-lines. And so the best Easter gift I can give you today is to leave this image in your mind, and not this one below…

Episode 54 – When everything stays the same

Sometimes writing a blog can be hard. Every week I write about the things that have happen to me that week. The things that I’ve seen, the things that I’ve done. The things that are new, that are different, that are interesting. But some weeks there seems to be nothing to say. Nothing has happened, nothing has been done. There’s nothing new, nothing has changed, everything has stayed the same. Sometimes life can seem a little ordinary. The same things day after day. It’s always the new, the different and the exciting that get our attention, but very rarely the things that are always there, the things that just seem to be. The consistent, the enduring, the loyal, the faithful. These things too often get over looked. And that’s why I am thankful for weeks like these, they may not make the most interesting blog posts, but they make me realise what I have in my life that I too easily forgot to appreciate. The fact that I have never been in need of food or shelter, water or warmth. The fact that I have always been surrounded by wonderful friends who faithfully support me in the good times and the bad. My amazing family who have always been with me and loved me loyally, even when I’ve not been easy to live with or done stupid things. The list is amazingly long from the profound to the seemingly insignificant, but it all culminates into one thing; my God. My faithful, enduring, everlasting God. Who never changes and never changes His mind about me, even though I give Him every reason to. He who is faithful to me, even when I am unfaithful. Whose love for me is constantly enduring, even when mine feels like it is running out. Whose character is consistent forever, even when I am inconsistent and fickle. I hope I never complain about my life staying the same (although I know I almost certainly will) because what I have is so very much more than I deserve.

Episode 53 - When You Have Nothing to Say

With my illness there are some days where I just don’t seem to be able to think at all. My brain just feels foggy and I find it hard to process my thoughts or make sense of the world around me. It feels a bit like the world is a man speaking into a microphone which is turned up so loud that you can’t hear what he’s saying. It’s like the world is too much for me to take in. This isn’t a problem at all. I can just find somewhere quieter (and maybe a little darker) to hide out for a while. My family are great and very understanding of this. They don’t mind me disappearing on them and still find ways for me to spend time with them; from sitting watching TV with the sound turned down annoyingly low to me just sat in the same room as them as they get on with their work.

There’s one relationship however, that I thought might suffer because of this; my relationship with God. Of course I always knew that God understands what I’m going through more than anyone else, but still to my mind, there was a problem. You see my relationship with God is largely centred around me doing stuff; me reading my bible, me talking to God, me singing worship songs… you get the picture. So when I don’t feel that I can do anything, that relationship must suffer. Or at least so I thought. I didn’t want that to happen, but I knew that there was nothing I could do about it.

Something I drew during one of my "quiet times"

Now I had long ago thrown away the idea that me spending time with God regularly had to fit into a traditional routine of “quiet times” that consisted of me reading my bible, saying prayers, and maybe at a push singing or listening to a couple of worship songs. These are excellent things to do regularly, but are far from a complete list of ways to spend time with. I enjoy doing a whole host of things with God; from different ways of learning like watching YouTube videos and even studying maps and genealogies, to things that enabled me to express myself in ways that I find hard to with words like playing the drums and drawing pictures. But when I find myself feeling like I do on these days, all of that seems out of reach.

My favourite thing to do with God is just to sit and listen to Him. I don’t always go away feeling like I have had some great revelation, but I always go away feeling closer to Him and like I can see the world a little clearer. Yet even that seems out of reach on days like these. On days like these I struggle to understand what my Mums saying to me when she talks in plain English so how could I hope to hear God through all the fog. He was out of my reach, and yet I found that I wasn’t out of His. I sat on my bed. No talking. No reading. No listening. And yet I felt His peace fall on me and I knew that He was near. There are many things in this life that can leave us at a loss for words. So when you have no words, just be. And know that you are never out of God’s reach.