Episode 13 - Walking the Tightrope

In this life we live, there’s an awful lot that we don’t see or think about, but that we just do. We just do what we do and we don’t think about it. We form habits and we fall in to routines. Now depending on who we are may determine how much of our lives are dictated by these patterns, but we all have them, whoever we are, no matter how adventurous we are. And this is no bad thing. Can you imagine if every little thing in your life was uncertain and yet to be discovered? You’d be completely exhausted before you’d even finished your breakfast! These little idiosyncrasies give us stability and allow us focus our attention on bigger more pressing issues. They mean that we don’t have to worry about what we’ll have for breakfast, or how we’ll get to work, so that we have the space to work out how to fix that problem at work, or to arrange that big family gathering. We all have hundreds of these tiny little habits that we do without thinking, like having a shower when we first get up or cleaning our teeth just before we leave the house. They help to keep us comfortable and secure.

 

Guava season is over! What will I eat now!?!

When you leave the life you know behind, you very quickly form a whole heap of new habits, routines and patterns. You form them even when you go on a short vacation. The longer you stay in your new world, the more new structures you need to feel stable and balanced until it levels off and you begin to feel settled in your new place. This happens naturally, and the patterns you form keep in step with your need for more stability. I have many patterns and habits already, but the problem with this subconscious creation of stability forming structures, is that right now, these roots are deep enough, but thinly spread. When you are settled in a place, you will have formed many more habits than you need for life to be stable, so that when one of these is brought into question, challenged or compromised (assuming that it is not one which dictates much of your life), things go on pretty much the same without any loss of stability or comfort. But when you are rapidly creating new patterns to keep up with your increasing need for routine and stability, even the loss of just the tiniest of habits can completely rock the boat and leave you feeling all at sea. It may sound ridiculous (and indeed it is), but I have found that it can only take the local supermarket being sold out of the brand of jam that you always buy. It can feel a little bit like walking a tightrope with only a narrow path of familiarity that one can walk along without being thrown off into uncertainty.

My vertical tightrope

But I’ve learnt that being thrown off into uncertainty and being taken away from my own unique normal that I have created for myself is a good thing. It helps me to grow further into my new world, creates new and wider reaching roots, and drives me further towards being settled into this amazing if sometimes confusing place. But most of all, it makes me think about this changeable world, and reminds me to put the roots of my security and all that I hope for into the one thing I know can and will never change- my God. And this life continues to push me towards God as the source of all things, it continues to remind me where my strength comes from, and it continues to remind me of who I am here for. Of all the incredible blessing that have come along with choosing to come here, and there truly are more than I can count, that is the one thing that I am most grateful for, that I have already come to grow so much closer to my God.