Episode 161 - Pentecost Rain

It was raining. I couldn’t see it falling, but still it was raining. I couldn’t see the rain, but the ground showed it. Small patches of water where the rain had touched it. I couldn’t see the rain land, nor could I see the patches grow as I watched them and yet it was raining. What I could see was the change when I looked away and then I looked back. How more and more of the ground was wet each time, and how less of it remained dry. I could not see the rain fall. I could not see it land. But I could see the change it made. So I stepped outside in to it. I could not see the rain, but I could feel it. Tiny little cold pin pricks all over my skin. I could not see the rain but slowly it covered me. And I stayed. At first I became a little damp but soon I was drenched. And yet still I couldn’t see the rain. How my soul longs for your Spirit Lord to fall like this rain and soak me to my very core.

 

Episode 160 - Walk While the Weathers Good

Saturday was a beautiful sunny day. Really sunny. I very nearly went for a walk, but I didn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go for a walk, I did, but I had already planned out my weekend. The plan included a walk, but not on Saturday, on Sunday. You see, I had lots to do this weekend, and I wanted to get all those things done first and then have a walk, so that I would know that all the things have been done and I would be able to make extra time if I needed to. 

It’s not that I couldn’t do those things on Sunday and walk on Saturday, it just seemed safer, more responsible, and better accounting of time to do it this way. And so I got everything done on Saturday as planned and I got to go for my walk on Sunday. On Sunday the sky was thick with black clouds and the wind was howling. To be honest I love moody atmospheric weather like this so I didn’t really mind, but as I was walking, it got me thinking, did I actually have good reason to not go walking on Saturday, or did I miss out on the good weather simply because of bad decision making and over reliance on sticking to my plans no matter what.

There are things in my life that God has given to me to do, and I do my best to make sure that I do these things the best that I can. But now I wonder if I sometimes worry so much about them that I miss other opportunities that God brings to me because I’m so focused on what I already have been given and how I’ve decided that I’m going to do them rather than being willing to see God’s new opportunities, listen to His guiding and trust that He’s able to help fit all of it in if He’s leading me to do it.

Episode 159 - What would you say if you could?

What would you say if you could?

What would you say if you didn’t feel so misunderstood?

 

All these words caught up in your head

All these thoughts and feelings that you leave unsaid

Their voices get louder filling the walls of your mind

All the time making your own voice harder to find

It’s all spinning around in a mass of confusion

You can’t hold on to any thoughts to find a solution

You don’t want this anymore, all that’s left is to hide

If you can’t make sense of what’s going on inside

How could anyone else?

 

What would you say if you could?

What would you say if you didn’t feel so misunderstood?

What would you say if you could?

What would you say if you knew that I understood?

 

Your silence deafens yourself so you can’t hear anyone speak

It makes you feel all alone, like some sort of freak

Unheard, unseen, unimportant and unknown

Surrounded by people who love you, you still feel all alone

And yet when by yourself you still can’t get any rest

No-one else is here but you’re burdens never left

But no-one seems to notice, they all think that you’re fine

They could never understand what is going on inside

How could anyone help?

 

What would you say if you could?

What would you say if you didn’t feel so misunderstood?

What would you say if you could?

What would you say if you knew that I understood?

 

I’ve always been here and heard all you can’t say

Through the sleepless nights and the spaced out days

I understand all you’re going through and I want you to know

That I know you and love you and won’t let you go

Although I’m here, you can’t hear because you’re not listening

Your self-doubt and fears don’t want you to know the hope I’m offering

That you can have my peace and security in their place

So let your voices out and let mine fill their space

Come talk to me

 

Say all that you want, know that you can

Say all that you want someone to understand

Say all that you want, know that you can

Say all that you want and know that I understand

 

Episode 158 - Someone's at the Door

This week I’ve been staying with my parents (with whom I am in a bubble). Whilst I was here, they got a new doorbell. It’s a very fancy doorbell. By that I mean that it doesn’t simply go ding dong when you press it, but it lights up and plays any tune from a choice of about fifty. (yes, I know I have very low standards of what constitutes fancy). After much deliberation it currently plays a low fidelity version of the Fur Elise. The first couple of times that it rang my mum jumped up after being startled by this unfamiliar noise and started search the house trying to work out which phone was ringing until I pointed out that it was the doorbell. 

She has now become familiar with the sound, but unfortunately has not yet associated it with someone being at the door. So, when the doorbell does ring, she completely ignores it as though it was someone else’s phone ringing, until I mention that there’s someone at the door. She then looks at me with a puzzled expression wondering why I would say such a thing until she remembers that we’ve changed the doorbell. It’s funny how you can get familiar with a sound to the point that you no longer hear it. I sometimes wonder if at times I get like that with God’s voice. That I get so used to God prompting me that I don’t recognise that he’s doing it anymore, until someone points it out. I guess we all need someone to help us to hear the doorbell sometimes, no matter how loud it is. I’m blessed to be surrounded by people who can recognise God’s voice.