Episode 115 - Are You Receiving Me?

This week I had the privilege of making my first live radio appearance. Or at least my hands did. My friend Ade was making an appearance on Flame community radio to talk about his new single (which can be heard here) and to play a couple of songs live, so he invited me along to accompany him on a Cajon. It was quite a strange experience, playing without being able to see your audience. Not being able to gauge how they are responding to it or even if anyone is listening to it all. It seems strange to communicate something in a way that leaves you without any way of knowing how it’s been received.

As I thought about this I came to thinking that in a funny sort of way all of our live are like a radio broadcast. Over a life time, our whole life, even our smallest acts are seen and experienced by thousands of people. At any moment there’s no saying who might be watching or how they might be affected by us; the people we pass in the street or the person who serves us at the supermarket. Much like a radio programme, we have the power to touch many people’s lives and often we might never have an idea that we have done so.

Episode 114 - Calling the Changes

Life is full of new experiences. Things that we never imagined we’d do yet somehow find ourselves doing. A couple of weekends ago I found myself doing something for the very first time; calling a Ceilidh – that is to say shouting out the instructions to a bunch of dances whilst the music plays. Whilst I’ve been to many Ceilidhs before I have no idea how to lead one, I don’t even know how the dances go, after all, that’s what the caller is for! However, the incredible thing about being the caller of Ceilidh is that it never occurs to the dancers to question what the caller is saying even when he has no idea what he’s doing! It was amazing! Whatever I said they would do! I could have said anything! Even things that didn’t make sense – and I did with surprising regularity, and yet they still tried to follow as I lead.

I should at this point say that despite the description I’m about to give which probably sounds more like a scene from a post-apocalyptic thriller than a party, we did all have a tremendous amount of fun, myself included. I’m not going to lie, there was a tremendous sense of power and authority standing behind that microphone and watching as everyone did as I told them. In some ways I felt like a God. And yet despite my subjects wholehearted attempts to do as I pleased (or perhaps because of this), the dances still upon occasion descended into anarchy and chaos as the dancers got themselves into all sorts of messes. I knew what I wanted them to do and yet so often they weren’t doing it! I must confess that this was usually because of my inability to communicate the dances clearly, however it wasn’t always my fault!

As I stood there barking out orders I began to realise that there were many things that caused my dear friends to stray from the instructions I was giving out. There were all of the distractions of everyone around them. There was the noise which made it difficult to hear. There were the obstacles on the dance floor; stray shoes and fallen bodies. There were other dancers who were getting it wrong and trying to encourage others to follow them. There were hecklers and there was the frustration of “just not getting it”. “If only they could keep hold of what I was saying”, I thought. Then I wondered if that’s how God feels about me as I dance my way through life.

Episode 113 - Walking the Flying Dog

Some people have pet dogs. Others have pet cats. Still others have pet hamsters, or fish, or even micro pigs. Those whose pets are of the canine variety routinely take them for walks. It has even been known for people to walk their pigs or their cats. I not quite sure how one might walk a pet fish, but I’m sure that someone somewhere has tried. I don’t have a pet. So instead, I sometimes walk my drone (nowhere near Gatwick I promise). I get many odd looks as I walk along followed by him (his name is Droney McDroneface).

Through the wonders of technology and an app on my phone, as I fly my drone I can see everything that it sees. It’s quite incredible to see how different things look from my drone above me, compared to how things look from my perspective rooted on the ground. As my drone first takes off it’s amazing to watch as the screen of my phone slowly transitions from my perspective to a whole different way of seeing things, still looking at the same things yet revealing much more. Showing paths that look promising but lead to dead ends, or hidden secrets like statues or buildings or even whole lakes that I didn’t know were there.

This is what I think things are sometimes like with God and I. He can see so much more of life than I ever can from where I am. And yet even knowing this, sometimes I am too busy with what is in my immediate eye line that I refuse change my perspective from what I can see to what God is telling me and all that He can see. In doing so, I miss finding out about upcoming dead-ends and hidden treasures.

Episode 112 - DIY

This week I’ve been doing a little DIY. There’s lots of things that I like about DIY. I like the actual making things and putting things together, because it’s essentially just grown-up Lego. I like the power tools because they make me feel like a power ranger or a ghost buster. Secretly I like it when things go wrong because then I have a puzzle to solve. I very much like enjoying the results of my labour at the end of the project. But most of all I enjoy taking something and making it my own. I like taking a space that I frequently inhabit and not only leaving my mark on it, but making it more suitable to me; whether that be by making it look and feel more appealing to me, or by (more importantly) making it more useful to me and more fitting for the way I live my life.

DIY can be a little bit addictive, the more you do, the more you want to do. It starts off with small vital improvements, but can quickly escalate into elaborate changes to whole rooms and soon you can find that there is no longer a room in the house that you’re happy with. This however is not what DIY is supposed to be about. It’s great to be able to improve what you have, but the potential of what could be should never take away from what currently is. Just because something could be made better does not mean that I should not appreciate what it currently is nor should it prevent me from enjoying it as it currently is.

In many ways my life is a bit of a DIY project. Whether it be the situation I find myself, the things that I spend my time doing, my attitudes, or even my very character; there is plenty that I can improve upon. It is actually a huge joy and privilege to be able to work on and improve these things and to know that the potential is there to do so. And do so I should. But this should never stop me enjoying or appreciating what I already have, and nor should I allow this room for improvement to make me look down upon myself or depreciate my own value, because you know what? Whilst we might all still be learning and growing, I have never yet met another human who wasn’t pretty awesome in their own right, and I should appreciate myself more. And I suspect that you probably should too, because I’m willing to bet that you’re already a pretty awesome person. I mean you’re reading my blog so that’s a pretty good start!..

Another thing about DIY, is that everyone has different tastes and different lifestyles. Just because one person likes things a certain way or finds certain things useful and beneficial doesn’t mean that same will be true for someone else. There are people in this life who will freely tell you what they would have done differently or even tell why what you have chosen to do is wrong. Sometimes this advice (unsolicited or otherwise) is actually very helpful and helps you to further improve what you have already done. More often though, the person offering advice is just airing their own desires forgetting who it is that you are, what it is you need and indeed who it is that this DIY is for! This too can be quite a lot like life. It can be easy to feel pressured into comprising the things you want or even who want to be to avoid criticism or even earn applaud. In fact, it can be incredibly hard to stand for what you want or believe in even when the consequence for not standing can be severe. I just pray that no matter what pressure may come against me, that I may always have the strength to stand.

Episode 111 - There and Back

Last week I was the visiting speaker at a Church. I'd arranged to get there half an hour early to make sure everything was ready for my talk. Whenever I've arranged a time to meet with someone, I don't like being late. I also don't like being early. To combat this I have a little tradition. I leave enough time to get stuck in traffic, get lost, and then not be able to find a parking space and still arrive on time. This inevitably means that I usually arrive super early. But not to worry, this is where the second part of my dastardly plan comes into play; I go for a walk. Okay, so it’s neither particularly dastardly nor groundbreaking, but it works really well. I walk half-way in any direction away from the venue, then I turn around and do the same walk the other half back. That is to say, that I work out how much time I have to kill, and then just walk anywhere for half of the time I need to waste. Then when I turn around and walk back, I know I'll arrive exactly on time! I realise as I'm writing this that I might sound a little like a crazy person, but it is actually a really nice way to prepare for a talk, to see a little of the neighbourhood I'm in,and to spend some time with God.

As I do this more, I've started to realise that the two halves of the walk feel very different. The first half is a delve into the unknown, with uncertainty hidden behind every corner. I see everything that I pass like it's the first time I've ever seen it. I mean it is the first time I've ever seen it so I would. But I really look at everything, taking it in, trying to make sure I don't get lost. Yeah I know that the idea of not getting lost when you're not going anywhere in particular might seem ridiculous, but the idea actually begins to consume you. For you know that you have to remember your way so that you can make it back to the venue, and not just make it back, but make it back on time. Which is another thing; I keep checking my watch every two minutes convinced that I might have somehow let twenty slip by, desperate not to miss my scheduled time for turning around.

The second half by comparison is totally relaxing. I don't concern myself at all with such things, safe in the knowledge that all the groundwork has been done; my subconscious now knows the way and all the timings have been set. I barely notice any of my surroundings as I become lost in my thoughts, so secure and comfortable in my situation am I. This week I realised that sometimes my life feels a lot more like the first half than the second. Full of the unknown and the uncertainty that surrounds it, with my trying to grasp at it, to wrestle some sense out of it all. And all the while time seems to go so slowly and yet I don’t seem to make much progress. I can't help wondering if my life might feel more serene and like the second half of the walk if instead of trying to do everything myself, I trusted that God had gone ahead of me and already laid down the groundwork.

Episode 110 - I Don't Know Where I'm Going

I was talking with a friend recently and he shared a wonderful prayer with me which was written by a man called Thomas Merton. It was wonderful in fact, that I decided that this week I'd share it with you, so here it is!..

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Episode 109 - Special Delivery

Over the years I have visited the airport with my parents on numerous occasions. There's something about the journey that instantly brings up a whole range of emotions from past trips; excitement and nervousness, the anticipation of stepping out into a new adventure and leaving familiarity behind at least for a little while as I wave goodbye to my parents and watch them drive away. But yesterday the journey went differently. This time it was them who got out and waved whilst I drove away. Okay, there was some poetic licence used in that last sentence, my point is that this time it was them who were getting an aeroplane not me. They didn't actually wave to me as I drove off. That's because I insisted on walking them to the check out desk and explaining everything that would happen once they walked through the magic corridor along which I could not follow them. Just to be clear, between them they've flown once in the last 35 years, so I wasn't being patronising, or at least not without any reason, I was just really nervous for them.

In life, I think I have a tendency to always think of myself as the on who is being taken to the airport. I'm the one going on the journey or the adventure and I'm focused on what I'm doing and on what I'm hoping to achieve. And I think I've also always wanted to be that guy who's going somewhere, after all, who wants to be the driver when you can be the person going on holiday? It was kind of strange driving the car feeling all the usual feelings, only this time feeling them by proxy, feeling them on my parents behalf. It was strange, but also a weird privilege. To share in their journey as opposed to only being in immersed in my own. And another strange thing was that whilst these feeling were familiar to me they felt different to ever they had before, because they no longer existed for me and my circumstance, but for my parents and their current experience. It was strangely humbling to feel something I don't think I could ever feel for myself and to be a part of an adventure that wasn't my own. So from now on when life gives me the opportunity to be a taxi driver (metaphorically, although I am quite happy to give lifts when needed) I will grab it with both hands