Episode 85 - Fan Loyalty

This weekend England played Papua New Guinea in the quarter final of the rugby league world cup. Now you might think it would have been difficult for me to decide which side to support. However, you probably would only think this if you didn’t already know a couple of things about me. The first thing is that I actually support Wales in Rugby Union international matches (I’m sorry!). The second is that before living in Papua New Guinea (where they live and breathe rugby league), I never really paid much attention to the sport. That soon changed once I arrived in Papua New Guinea and my friends quickly taught me everything I now know about rugby league. Needless to say from that time on I was a vehement PNG Kumuls fan, just as my friends are! So come the day of the game, there was never really any doubt as to who I would be supporting and the truth is that I couldn’t have changed my team even if I wanted to.

They may have lost to England but they did themselves proud

That’s the funny thing about supporting a sports team isn’t it? Once you pick your team, that’s it. They’re your team. There’s no going back. It doesn’t matter which team you chose, or why you chose them, or even how flawed your seven year old brain was when it chose to support Newcastle United Football Club. Nor does it matter how much heart ache your team has caused you over the years, you heart will always support them. Such allegiance, such unquestioning, unshakable loyalty is really quite incredible. I started to think if there were other things I had such allegiance to, because as much as I love sports, surely there are things more deserving. 

I started thinking about my relationships and there are definitely some people whom I will always support and forgive no matter what, or at least I certainly hope so. But relationships are a bit more complicated than following a sports team. People can hurt us in a variety of different ways whereas pretty much the worst thing a sports team can do is to continually play poorly (if you support a particularly imaginative football team, you may also be able to add mid-game inter-team brawls and the signing of a player based on viewing a YouTube clip). So to commit yourself to support someone no matter what they do, really is a huge ask, and not something that one can say lightly or freely.

Sometimes your team will let you down...

And then there was God. Who can not only say that He has such unconditional loyalty and love for a special few, but for everyone. And that, not only based on the possibility of what He might imagine we all could do, but knowing all of the worst things that we have and will ever do (as well as all that we’re capable of too). And He chose to do so knowing that the cost of such unconditional loyalty and love was not only disappointment or personal grief, but also the death of His perfect son Jesus so that we might know this love for ourselves. And it was in that moment I re-learnt once again the depth and strength of God’s love for us. And I remembered that it was my calling to learn to love like He does. Not just to reserve my love for those whom I think may become deserving, but for all including those who are undeserving, knowing that I have done nothing to deserve the unconditional love of my God. Fortunately my calling is to learn how to love like Him, so I’m not expected to have got there just yet. I can only try to get a little closer each day.

Episode 84 - Guiding Hand

Next week marks a year since I first displayed any symptoms of being ill. And although little progress has been made in finding a way back to health, God has clearly used this time to help me grow personally. And whilst progress in the matter of getting better may have been slow, it is most definitely there – with the biggest step forward probably being made this week when I went to a Neurological Physiotherapy department (who knew that there was such a thing?) for a screening appointment. For the first time during my illness, I saw someone who sounded like they would be able to help me, rather than passing me on to another department or sending my away empty handed. And whilst it was only a screening appointment and it is still early days, I must confess to being filled with cautious anticipation and hope. 

It is a major breakthrough, but this is just the beginning and I suspect the path forward from here will not be an easy one. As it was only the screening appointment, a course of action has not yet been decided upon, but it would seem that whatever the plan is, it will involve pushing myself into activities which make me uncomfortable and which for the short-term at least will make my symptoms worse. This is hard for me for two reasons: the first of which is the unsurprising fact that I would like to avoid my symptoms getting worse as they aren’t particularly pleasant. 

The kind of crazy looking equipment that can be found in a Neurology Physiotherapy Department

The second reason is that history seems to be against me. I should explain; when I first became ill I too decided that my best chance of recovery was to push myself slowly into doing more things until I was able to live my life as normal again. And so I tried. And tried. And tried. Until I just couldn’t anymore and I realised that I not only wasn’t making any progress at all, but that I was actually making myself worse. And so I stopped pushing myself and instead withdrew myself to a place where my symptoms were far more manageable. It would therefore be easy to think that this pursuit will be in vain. However, this time there is one thing different; I have the guidance of someone who knows and understands what it is I’m fighting with and how it works.

As I thought about this and re-secured my hope, I realised that my present situation is not too dissimilar to one which seems to have played-out through my life over and over again. You see often in life I struggle with things, with life itself, whether it’s a situation or a character trait. And so I try to deal with it by facing up to it, ready for the difficulty that comes with it. And so I try and try and try, until finally I can take no more and so I give up, or give in, or just simply run away from it having achieved nothing. Eventually I realise that the problem was that I was doing it on my own when all along there was someone willing to help me. Not only willing, but truthfully, also the only person who could help me because He knows what I’m fighting and can give me the strength and direction to get through it. And it’s always the same person – God. So I’ll try to stop fighting my life on my own and try to ask the only one who already has all the answers for direction more often!

Episode 83 - Space, Time and Energy

Throughout most of my life there have been things that I have really wanted to do, but never seemed to have the time. I now find myself in a place where I seem to have all the time in the world, but I don’t have the energy to do anything! It seems like some kind of cruel irony. Of course the truth of the matter is that if I did have the energy, then I wouldn’t have the time because I’d be busy with other things. All of this leads to a very interesting question; “did I really want to do those things after all?” Or at the very least; “how much did I really want to do those things?”

Sometimes our limited time makes us want to rush...

when really it should make us slow down and appreciate what we've got.

A simple if not particularly cheery truth about life, is that it only lasts so long. So we all have a limited amount of time to use, and I guess for most of us, there are more things that we’d like to do than there is time in our lives. At first that might sound slightly depressing, but it’s actually really exciting; it means that there are enough things of value in this world to keep us busy right up to our very last days! It does however raise one very important question; how do I really want to spend my time? It occurs to me that either I’ve spent too much time getting distracted from the things that I really want to do by things that are not so important to me, or I’ve spent too much time wishing I could do things that aren’t nearly as important to me as the things that already fill my life up and I should be spending much more of my time appreciating them! I’m not sure which it is yet, I suspect probably a bit of both.

Episode 82 - Brick by Brick

This week I’ve been thinking about Lego. I don’t really know why, but to be fair, why not? I guess maybe because sometimes life feels like making a Lego model. You keep adding more bricks and more bricks but nothing seems to really take shape. Until suddenly towards the end, you can finally begin to see what it is you’ve been working at take shape and it all makes sense. Did you know that there are over 25,000 different types of Lego block? That’s an incredible amount! But then when you consider what you can do with those blocks, it suddenly seems comparatively tiny, because with just those blocks, you can make pretty much anything! If you can imagine it, you can probably make it. And it’s not limited to just models, I have friends who have made useful household items out of Lego, from Jewellery to coffee tables, I even have friends who have used the hands of the little men to hold their USB cables for them when not in use!

All of these possibilities from a choice of 25,000 types of brick seemed incredible, until I looked out of the window. Did you know that there are currently 118 different known elements? With probably a few hiding under the bed or behind the sofa. With just these 118 different building blocks God made the whole world and everything in it. Not just a stationary model that’s good to look at (read play with), but a beautiful dynamic world, ever changing and self-sustaining, with beauty and design beyond our conceiving. A universe that extends beyond our imagination and a world where we literally hold life in our hands. A universe with more stars in the sky than grains of sand on the earth and a world where there are more lifeforms on one person’s skin than there are people on the planet. What an amazing world we live in and what an amazing creator, who made it all, even the building blocks themselves!

My thoughts were to take one last jump though. As I wandered around St Paul’s Cathedral a number of years ago, I admired the intricate stonework and all the different types of building materials used. And I started to think about God’s true Church – not the buildings, but His people. There are, well, I don’t know how many, I haven’t done the maths, but there’s certainly quite a few of us throughout the world. And the amazing thing is that each one of us is truly unique. There’s no two of us the same. And were not haphazardly created – we’re not abstractly unique, but we’re designed and intentionally created – fit for purpose. How amazing is that? So if God can make the whole universe with just 118 different pieces, just imagine what he can do with all of us if we let Him!

Episode 81 - Sanguma

I may have only lived in Papua New Guinea for little over 6 months, but it and it's people are and will always be firmly placed upon my heart. There is much that I openly talk about with anyone who will listen, but there are other things that I am much less willing to talk about these. This is because I am very aware that my meagre 6 months leaves me painfully ill equipped and lacking in knowledge of such subjects. Sanguma is one of these topics. Whilst there are many wonderful beautiful things about Papua New Guinean culture, like anywhere in the world, it also has it's own unique struggles too. Sanguma is one of these troubles and I recently came a cross an article that explains a bit about it far better than I could, so I wanted to share it with you. MAF even get a mention! You can read it here.

The Beautiful PNG

Episode 80 - Lost in Time

I must start this blog with an apology to those who read it every week. Last week, for the first time in over a year, there was no blog. I forgot. I’m sorry. To tell the truth, last Monday came and went before I realised that, well, Monday had come and gone. My illness doesn’t really have a pattern or a routine, and consequently, nor do I really (although I try). Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, without any apparent rhyme or reason, so I do what I can when I can. For the most part this works very well, but it does mean that I have very little concept of time at the moment, as there doesn’t seem much by which to mark it. Strangely, in a way, this reminded me of my time in Papua New Guinea.

I have always loved the seasons and the way the British countryside changes over the year and then comes right back to where it started. I have considered it a real joy to be back in England to watch the cycle. Whenever anyone asks me what my favourite season is, I find it difficult to answer because I genuinely love them all and the next one always seems to come at just the right time. But for me, it’s always been more than just an adventure, it’s a marker of time. As one season rolls into the next it’s a time that reminds me to look back and what has happened, the good and the bad. A time to take stock and reflect. And a time to thank God, because whatever has happened good, bad or indifferent, there are always great things that God has done if we remember to look for them.

The four seasons

Papua New Guinea only has two seasons; a dry season, and a wet season. Whilst they are very distinct from one another, somehow there doesn’t seem to be the noticeable transition that there are between the seasons in Britain (or perhaps there was just too much going on for me to notice). As a consequence, with so much happening as I looked forward to the future, it was easy not to appreciate all that was and had been happening. Sometimes life is like British seasons; there’s lots of things happening and they’re all very noticeable. Other times life is more like the seasons in Papua New Guinea, things don’t really seem to change and the things that happen go almost unnoticed.

My life feels a little bit like that right now. Whilst in some ways every day is different and when I wake up in the morning I don’t know how I’m going to feel that day. But on the other hand, in the bigger picture, nothing seems to have changed for nine months; in fact my circumstances seem to be exactly the same! Then I stop and look and think about what life was really like nine months ago and what has happened in that time and I realise that whilst there has been no big step change to my circumstances, God has been working in so many ways! And so even when life seems to be the same as always, I will try to always find the time to look and see all that God really has been doing, and to thank Him that He never stops.

Episode 78 - Milkshake!

Last week I had the most amazing milkshake I have ever drunk in my life. It was a butter shortbread milkshake. The amazing thing was that it tasted of shortbread. Not like shortbread. Not like how every piece of exotic meat you’ve ever tasted, tasted like chicken, no. Not like shortbread. Of shortbread. It tasted exactly the same as shortbread. It was unmistakably shortbread. Except somehow creamy and smooth and well, liquid. This blew my mind. How was this possible!? The answer to this was of course painfully simple. It was made of shortbread. Lots of it. All crumbled up so that it could take on its new form and mix with the other ingredients. Simple. And delicious.

Just to prove that I'm not making this stuff up...

This of course got me thinking. There are many things in life that I want to be, and that I want to be good at. A good friend. A good son. A good engineer. A good drummer. But there is one thing I want more than anything else – something which actually makes all these other things happen too. I want to be a good person. Actually, I want to be the best person I can be – the best me I can be. Fortunately God wants this too and is always ready to lend a helping hand. He even made a blueprint for me to look to – Jesus – who actually lived a perfect life. And so what I want to be, is to be like Jesus. Or do I? Perhaps I can learn something from the milkshake. Perhaps I should focus a little less of my time on copying Him and a little more time on letting Him into my heart. So from this point forward I will endeavour to be a milkshake – made with only the finest ingredients, after all, you are what you eat!