Episode 51 - Papua New Guinea in Motion

Following on from last week, I thought I would make the most of my good internet and share some video's with you from my six months in Papua New Guinea. Apologies for the bad camera work, I don't think I'm ready to give up the day job just yet...

A Traditional Simbu Flute Player

Making Fire the Traditional way

Traditional Singsing bands at the Goroka Show

Papua New Guinea from the Air

Episode 50 - Singing Songs to God

As I was sat in Church this morning singing songs to God, I thought about how powerful music is for sharing how we feel with God. I thought about how we not only show are feelings through the words, but also how we reflect our cultural identity through the style of the songs we sing too. I thought about how different many of the songs I heard sung to God in Papua New Guinea were to the ones I was singing, and I thought that I'd like to share what that sounds and feels like with you. I also thought that I wouldn't know how to begin describing it. And then I realised that I didn't need to. Instead I'm making the most of the amazing internet connection I enjoy here in England (that's right, the one I used to complain about being really slow) and just share some songs with you! So here they are, thanks goes to the Bena Bridge Chorus Singers for letting me share them.

Episode 49 - The Waiting Game

Ever since I have become unwell, I have had real sense of peace over the whole situation and a certainty that God has things firmly under control. Sure I’ve been confused and frustrated at times, but I’ve always felt that God knew what He was doing. As such I resigned myself to wait. To take the position of a bystander and watch as events unfold. To be more the battlefield than the warrior. And indeed there is some wisdom to this; to acknowledge that there are somethings in life that are outside of our control and to give these things over to God. As we are often advised to in the bible, to “wait upon the Lord”.

But recently I have realised that the biblical “waiting upon the Lord” and my “waiting for the Lord to fix everything” don’t quite match up. My “waiting for the Lord” pretty much involves me leaving Him to it. Knowing that He’ll deal with it, that there’s more to it than I can understand, and saying okay Lord, you do what you need to, wake me up when it’s all over. Sure I still talk to Him about lots of things, and I bring my frustrations to Him when I have them and I do pray that He’ll sort it all out, but I leave it at that. I don’t really pray over the details, I don’t even think about it, I just kind of bury my head in the sand. I don’t know why. I guess because I feel a little overwhelmed by it. Because I don’t understand much of it. Because in truth I’m probably a little scared. And I guess because if you don’t think about it, then you can’t get hurt when things don’t go how you think they will, like my doctor’s appointment a couple of weeks ago.

But this isn’t really waiting upon the Lord. Sure it involves this patience and this trust, but it’s more than that, it’s about relationship and walking with God. The Psalmists, who are among the most regular authors in the bible to implore us to “wait upon the Lord” don’t write about how we should leave God to it and not think about the problem. The majority of the psalms are about reaching out to God with all the problems that author is facing, and praising God for all that He has done and all that He will do. It begins in that same place of trust and patience but goes on from that place to seek God’s face in all that is happening.

As I saw that I realised that the peace and trust and patience that I so freely feel should push me forward to explore what is happening, not leave those things alone. To know that these things cannot hold any fear when I know that my God is near, but that instead I might be able to come closer to my God and to see Him work His will close at hand. I could sit this one out and wait until the end. To see one great act of God and then continue with my life that has been on hold. Or I could walk this journey with Him, bring every tiny detail before Him, to have the courage to pray for specific things at specific times as I feel lead. And in the end to witness every tiny event, every strand of this story that God weaves together to create the ultimate climax, to understand more fully what God will do for me and to more fully know my God. And so my prayers, my conversation with God has changed and I wait excitedly and nervously to see how His hand moves…

Episode 48 - My Street

So the main reason I write this blog is to share with you all what my life in Papua New Guinea is like. However, now that I am back in England for the meantime, the blog has taken a serious plot twist. Some weeks there is plenty to write about still as my illness is a whole new mini adventure in itself. But other weeks I don’t really do anything and life in England is just normal and boring. But then I realised that it isn’t. Life in England is as different from life in Papua New Guinea as life in Papua New Guinea is different from life in England, and so I realised that this was a perfect opportunity for me to share what life in England is like with my family in Papua New Guinea, who I miss greatly and pray for and think about often. So this one is for you. Now I have only left the warmth of my house once this week for the short walk down my street into town, but at least I can share that with you.

My Street in Papua New Guinea

It’s winter here, so before leaving the house I have to make sure I’m wearing at least 4 jumpers before I then put my coat on (the average temperature at this time of year is about 6°C, but I feel the cold more than most, especially having got used to the weather in Papua New Guinea). I put my hat on and leave the house. I manage about three steps before an almighty wind blows my hat clean off my head (fortunately in the direction I was going), leaving me to slowly give chase lunging wildly at it with my walking stick, as though trying to spear a wild animal, and having about as much success as I think I might have, had I been. Eventually I stab it victoriously and start to put it on again before deciding that it might be best for me to put it in my pocket for now lest the whole thing happen again. I look up and start walking again only to realise my neighbour is sitting in his car watching me the whole time. I give him a sheepish smile and scuttle away as quickly as I can. As I continue down my street past the brick houses there is no dust on the ground, nor orange earth. In fact there is no earth at all except from the front gardens of the few of my neighbours who haven’t paved them over to provide extra space for their cars. I have soon made to the end of my street and into town where my journey ends. It was only a short walk, but that was my street.

My Street in England

Episode 47 - The Moment I'd Been Waiting For

There are somethings in life that you have to wait a long time for. When they eventually come, sometimes they are everything you expected them to be, sometimes they are more than you could have ever imagined, and sometimes they fall so far short of what you thought they would be that they leave you feeling empty inside. This week I had an appointment with a Neurologist. An appointment I had been waiting for since I was discharged from hospital over six weeks ago. It was an appointment I was expecting to explain how I was going to be treated and how long I could expect to have to wait until I would be able to go back home to Papua New Guinea. It didn’t. The Doctor and I had the exact same conversation that I had with the Neurologists whilst I was an inpatient in the hospital six weeks ago and he came up with the same conclusion – I have something called Functional Neurological Disorder. He then told me that he couldn’t help me any further but that I would have to see an even more specialised specialist but he didn’t know how long I would have to wait until I could get an appointment with him because he was so special. I’m not going to lie, this hit me hard. I had made none of the progress I had been hoping to, and rather than feeling stationary, I somehow felt like I was falling backwards away from my goal. (Please note that this is no criticism of the Doctor who was both a lovely man and a very good Doctor, nor of the NHS which I feel very privileged to have access to).

A description of the book of Job

I spent a long time alone in my room with God afterwards. Not talking to Him, just sitting, knowing that He was there. I recently watched a YouTube video about Job. (Now please don’t think I’m making any comparison between myself and Job, I am not. To do so would be to undermine the real and awful suffering that both He and many people in the world have to go through every day, my life is heaven compared to theirs and I would do well to remember that). The funny thing about the book of Job is that it comprises of about two chapters describing something that happened to him and then about 34 chapters of him wrestling with the question of why it happened, but in the end, despite this being what the book is all about, he never finds out. Instead it concludes with about four chapters of God pointing out that Job’s experience and knowledge was infinitesimally small in comparison to God’s and that Job couldn’t even begin to understand even if he tried. It then concludes with an epilogue of Job apologising for stuff he shouldn’t have said about God and explains what happened to Job afterwards. After that time just sitting in my room, I knew that God knew that this wasn’t how I wanted it to go. I also knew that it was how God wanted it to go and that I couldn’t even begin to understand how God was moving in all of this, particularly whilst I was so focused on myself. I can only pray that in this time of rest and thought I can begin to see the world a little less through my eyes and a little more through His.

Episode 46 - Welcome to the Workshop

This might seem an odd time to post this given that I’m currently far away from CRMF, but a friend recently asked me to write about what we do in the electronics workshop at CRMF, and so I thought I’d share it with you as a good reminder both for you and for myself. It’s hard to describe exactly what we do in the Electronics Workshop, as every day is different, the only thing that is guaranteed is that we will be using our skills to help the remote communities and churches of Papua New Guinea. The Workshop is usually a hive of activity, the main job being done in the workshop itself being repair work. The items being repaired vary greatly, from broken radios which serve as the only connection to the outside world for remote communities, to broken PA systems used by the local Churches to teach about Jesus, to broken solar lamps for use in communities that have no electricity. We even fix the occasional piece of medical equipment, not to mention a whole miscellany of our own equipment which has broken down. When the workshop is quiet, it either means that it’s coffee break, or everyone is out, working in the field, usually on installations. We install a variety of systems, from radio’s where there are no communications, to VSAT (satellite internet) for remote organisations who need web access (such as hospitals), to solar systems for places with no access to electricity. Of course there is also our own equipment to keep up to date too. As the Senior Technician it is my job to make sure that all of our work gets done, that any deadlines are met and that our work is done in order of priority. My most important task however, is looking after the staff in the workshop. Giving them the support that they need, ensuring that they are continually learning and growing and keeping them focused on why we do what we do – to support remote communities and churches, to the glory of God.

Part of the Dream Team

Episode 45: For the Moments When I feel Faint

This week has been a busy one. A busy one, but a great one. I have travelled to London, caught up with old friends and been to a wedding I never imagined I'd be able to attend. It has been great, but I am now feeling exhausted, too tired to even work out my own thoughts, let alone write about them. But it's in these times that one song always comes to my mind, so I thought that rather than trying to write my thoughts in a way that someone else might possibly understand, I would leave you with these lyrics instead;


For The Moments I Feel Faint - Relient K

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?
[Chorus:]

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear
[Chorus]

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands