Episode 49 - The Waiting Game

Ever since I have become unwell, I have had real sense of peace over the whole situation and a certainty that God has things firmly under control. Sure I’ve been confused and frustrated at times, but I’ve always felt that God knew what He was doing. As such I resigned myself to wait. To take the position of a bystander and watch as events unfold. To be more the battlefield than the warrior. And indeed there is some wisdom to this; to acknowledge that there are somethings in life that are outside of our control and to give these things over to God. As we are often advised to in the bible, to “wait upon the Lord”.

But recently I have realised that the biblical “waiting upon the Lord” and my “waiting for the Lord to fix everything” don’t quite match up. My “waiting for the Lord” pretty much involves me leaving Him to it. Knowing that He’ll deal with it, that there’s more to it than I can understand, and saying okay Lord, you do what you need to, wake me up when it’s all over. Sure I still talk to Him about lots of things, and I bring my frustrations to Him when I have them and I do pray that He’ll sort it all out, but I leave it at that. I don’t really pray over the details, I don’t even think about it, I just kind of bury my head in the sand. I don’t know why. I guess because I feel a little overwhelmed by it. Because I don’t understand much of it. Because in truth I’m probably a little scared. And I guess because if you don’t think about it, then you can’t get hurt when things don’t go how you think they will, like my doctor’s appointment a couple of weeks ago.

But this isn’t really waiting upon the Lord. Sure it involves this patience and this trust, but it’s more than that, it’s about relationship and walking with God. The Psalmists, who are among the most regular authors in the bible to implore us to “wait upon the Lord” don’t write about how we should leave God to it and not think about the problem. The majority of the psalms are about reaching out to God with all the problems that author is facing, and praising God for all that He has done and all that He will do. It begins in that same place of trust and patience but goes on from that place to seek God’s face in all that is happening.

As I saw that I realised that the peace and trust and patience that I so freely feel should push me forward to explore what is happening, not leave those things alone. To know that these things cannot hold any fear when I know that my God is near, but that instead I might be able to come closer to my God and to see Him work His will close at hand. I could sit this one out and wait until the end. To see one great act of God and then continue with my life that has been on hold. Or I could walk this journey with Him, bring every tiny detail before Him, to have the courage to pray for specific things at specific times as I feel lead. And in the end to witness every tiny event, every strand of this story that God weaves together to create the ultimate climax, to understand more fully what God will do for me and to more fully know my God. And so my prayers, my conversation with God has changed and I wait excitedly and nervously to see how His hand moves…