Episode 62 – Inertia

Inertia is the scientific term for the resistance to a change in movement. It's the reason that when a driver stomps on the accelerator pedal in the car all the passengers get thrown back in their seats, or if the driver slams on the breaks everyone gets thrown forward. It’s the tendency for something to stay in its current state even if the world around it changes. The last couple of weeks have been pretty big for me as I wrote about in my last blog, even if nothing has really happened. My health is pretty much the same as it has been for months, but I have found a new understanding of what I can and can’t do. This new understanding seems to have coincided with a movement in my heart. 

The last few months have been a time of waiting. The premise has been simple; I’m not well, I don’t have the strength, energy or wherewithal to do much, so I will simply wait until I am better. And rightfully so, this I believe was always supposed to be a time of waiting and God has done much within me during this time. But I have started to feel that God is telling me that this time of waiting is drawing to a close. Now before you get too excited, by this I do not necessarily mean that He is telling me that I am soon to get better. What I do feel is God prompting me that now is the time to stop waiting for change to happen and to start embracing what change has already occurred. To make the most of what I have now, in preparation of what is to come. 

I sometimes think God must feel like this with me...

I’ll be honest, this scares me. A lot. I don’t really feel like I can do much at all, regardless of whether or not I want to. I still get tired quickly, and have a tendency to fall over, and find it difficult to concentrate or even follow a basic conversation. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who this new version of myself is and that I have to relearn who I am and how to do everything all over again. And to be even more honest, much of me doesn’t want to change, because it’s scary and where I am right now is safe. I don’t feel I can do anything, and if I don’t try, I can’t fail. 

I don’t feel like I have the strength to live life, nor the ability. But I suspect that that is rather the point. I don’t. As God told Paul in the bible, God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. It is only when I can’t do things that I really let God do them, to allow Him to more fully work in me to achieve His purposes. Because when I can’t, I know that God can. So it’s time to start doing again. Only small things at first and definitely only in His strength, but it’s still time to start moving. Now what to do first? I guess that Tax Return I’ve been avoiding for two months would be a good place to start…