Episode 64 – Tiredness Kills

At the moment I get tired very easily and as a consequence I spend a lot of my time in a state of tiredness. But the truth is that even before I became ill I spent much, maybe even most of my time in a state of tiredness. And even more bizarrely this was at least in a way, by choice. I chose to sleep less because I wanted to do more. Trying to cram as much into each day as I could. I’ll just do a bit more at work and then push my whole evening back, I’ll just write a couple more e-mails, one more pint, or even just one more episode on TV. But as I did more, my tiredness meant that I got less out of it. 

Read the Signs...

As I’ve become tired increasingly easily recently, I seem to have become more aware of the effects of tiredness that I somehow ignored before (perhaps seeing them as some kind of weakness to be overcome). Sure it means that you have less energy and it’s a bit harder to do things, but it’s much more than that, it effects everything. It makes me less able to think clearly. More likely to make bad decisions. It makes it harder to concentrate. Harder to communicate. It makes me more likely to not say what I mean. It makes me more emotionally sensitive and more likely to misunderstand others words and actions. It makes me more likely to hurt and more likely to hurt others. I become less me. And yet I would choose to be like this. As this has become less of a choice for me I think hard about what I can do to reduce my tiredness without stopping living my life, and I hope that when the choice is mine again, I chose to reject this life of tiredness that I have become accustomed to.