Episode 140 - Decisions

This week I did something that I have not done for three months; I sat in a traffic jam. That wasn't my intention you understand. I wasn't overcome with nostalgia for being stuck in a hot car with an overwhelming sense of uncertainty and hopelessness. The traffic jam just sort of found me, or perhaps it was I who found it. And before I knew what was happening it was too late. I was happily sailing along (not literally) when I saw the traffic slowing down. Was this the start of a traffic jam or just a little stutter? As I slowed down, the junction to turn off the motorway seemed to accelerate towards me on my left hand side. If I turned off my journey would be at least twenty minutes longer, if I didn't the slowing cars in front of me might just speed up again and return to normal or they could slow to a stand still. I couldn't know, so I decided to stick to the plan and stay on the motorway. As I continued to slow I watched as the junction and my choice passed me by and stopped 50 yards behind me and just out of reach.

Half an hour later and as I looked in the rearview mirror I could still see that junction very gradually getting slightly further away. I thought a lot about the choice I made in that half hour and the half hour that would follow as I waited for the traffic jam to clear, not knowing how long it would last and watching as the estimated time of arrival on my sat nav got no closer to me. It was easy to regret not turning off whilst I had the chance, but as I thought about it more that regret left me. Sure I wished I was at home already, but I wasn't and there was no point being upset about it. On top of that, i couldn't possibly have known what was going to happen, I made the best choice I could have and I can't expect more of myself than that. I also realised that I had no idea what would have happened had I turned off, or what problems I may have faced, and likewise if i'd turned off I wouldn't have known what happened on the motorway. The moment I hit trouble would I have regretted my choice imagining the alternative would have been perfect? As I continued to think (I had plenty of time it wasn't like I was going anywhere…) I realised that the way I choose to think about the decisions I've made in life was no different to how I could choose to think about my journey home. Life definitely doesn't always turn out the way I had hoped, but I hope I can always choose not to regret the choices I have made knowing I've made what was the best choice I could.