So 2017 hasn’t started exactly as I expected for me. As you’ll
have read from the blogs that Nomes has written for me I’m currently not very
well. Instead of starting the New Year in PNG getting stuck into all the work
that there is to do there, I’m here in England struggling to find the energy to
do anything at all. Even responding to e-mails or writing this blog feel like a
task too gargantuan for me to achieve (but one of the benefits of being ill is
that you have plenty of time, even if you don’t feel like doing anything, so I
have been able to spread writing this blog over the whole week). I’m very fortunate
that my illness doesn’t come with any pain, just the frustration of having little
energy and shaking like a children’s Christmas gift from the 90’s (does anyone
else remember Furbies?). I also have some twitches in my legs which do make me
at times pretty unstable on my feet and make me look like I’ve come straight
from Monty Pythons ministry of silly walks – something which brings so much joy
to my girlfriend, that it makes it impossible for me to be resentful of. I’ve
also discovered that taking a walking stick with me should I ever have to
venture into public spaces changes this behaviour from perceived lunacy into
quite acceptable behaviour.
Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks
In fact, when one stops to look at it all, it is
quite hard not to see the funny side, even the fact that I occasionally punch
myself in the face. And the blessing of the fact that I am now at home with my
family should not be over looked. Nor that I got to spend Christmas with them
and my girlfriend (all be it in a hospital bed) was beyond anything I could
have hoped, the best Christmas gift I could have asked for and literally
brought a tear of joy to my eye. That’s not to say that as much as I love them,
I don’t want to get back to PNG as soon as possible, because I really do, and I
miss my family there too. But even though it has all been very frustrating and
I’ve felt it all battling inside me, I am very aware of the blessings of this
time too, and have always been certain that in some way that I still can’t see
despite my greatest efforts, that this is in some way all part of Gods plan.
And as I’ve wrestled with this frustration and endlessly questioned God, I have
found no answers. But I have found my frustration lift and His peace descend.
For I know that my ways are not His ways and my timing is not His timing, and I
know that His timing is perfect. So although I really have no clue as to what
all this is about, I know that God does, and I will rest secure in this
knowledge and trust that His plans are far better than anything I could ever
imagine.
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