Episode 17 - Let the games begin

The scene is filled with plumes of smoke as our protagonist stands victorious in the centre of the stage with the spoils of war in his hands. Now before you get carried away, this might not be quite what you imagine. For in this instance, the smoke is not caused by the burning of conquered territories, the spoils of war are not mounds of treasure, and the protagonist is not some muscly hero. No. Rather, the smoke is caused by rubbish being burnt on nearby fires (as fills much of Goroka), the spoils of war are two bunches of bananas, and the protagonist is, well, me.

The face of a hero if I ever saw one...

I don’t like shopping. I never have. I probably never will. But I do like games. And if there is one thing that could possibly make the weekly shop more entertaining, it would be turning into a game – something which Goroka market gets. Now I’m not talking about the kinda of game where you have to barter with every market seller to get your goods at a reasonable price, because I would do very badly at this. In fact, I suspect that I would end up paying more than the price we began with if this were the case. Fortunately the prices of everything in the market are clearly labelled, so that there can be no doubt what something costs. No, the game is; race around the market to get all of your shopping as quickly as possible whilst getting as little mud (or spat out beetle nut) on you as possible.

The arena!

This may sound simple, but it is made more difficult by the narrow paths through market, the occasional fords, and the mass of moving barricades that the market has installed just for the purposes of this game (normal people call these barricades “other shoppers”). Wheelbarrows and pigs will also be encountered upon on occasion. To add to the complexity, you start with only large notes, but the market sellers only have very limited change. This means careful choice must be made as to when to use which size of note, or you may incur a time penalty. This takes the form of the seller going to their friend on the other side of the market to get some more change. Small bonus points are gained for every greeting you are given. Larger bonus points are gained for every compliment you are given (yeah, that’s right, I’ve still got it). Furthermore, even larger bonus points are given for every joke exchanged with a market seller and every high five with a market seller’s child. Points are lost for every bad piece of produce selected and for items missed of the list. But the real prize is getting out of the market with your shopping for the week, and the real score is the size of the smile on your face.

The crowd goes wild as I enter the finishing straight!