Episode 11 - Finding My Place

Moving in to a whole new culture, new world, new life, leaves one with many questions about how one fits into all of this. This was to be expected and has certainly not taken me by surprise. It will take time for me to really know how to be who I am in this place and I’m happy with that. And even so, I’m lucky enough to know that I am where I’m supposed to be. To know that I belong here because God has placed me here. And I truly feel comfortable here because of that. There may be plenty of things that I don’t know how to do well yet, from small talk, to crossing the road, but that makes me feel no less like I belong.

Even buying baked beans seems complicated

There is however one thing that I do know how to do well here, and that’s my job, so if there was any aspect of life I expected to feel comfortable in, it was that. But transition into a new job is rarely seamless and usually full of stress, so it seems odd to expect this to be the source of normality in my new life. The hardest part, I find, of a new job is not knowing what to do. I don’t mean not knowing how to do your work, but rather not knowing what work to do. There is nothing quite like it to make you feel out of place, like a spare part, like you don’t fit in or really belong. I’ve been very well blessed, right from the start people have been giving me plenty to do, showing me lots of new things and getting me involved in lots of different projects. But there was still time in-between these things, only short, but still time, when I didn’t know what to do. I knew that was plenty of work to be done, I just didn’t what work I was supposed to be doing (not helped by the fact that my primary job is to make sure that other people are doing the work!). This is normal and I knew that, there are processes to learn and working relationships to develop, but this didn’t stop be looking forward to a time when those times no longer existed.

 

They've even had me designing boxes!

That time began this week. I had a series of good conversations with colleagues about projects that needed doing and how jobs were disseminated throughout the group and where responsibility lay for such things. This was all polished off with a meeting with Bryan (the acting head of the workshop, whilst Lukas my direct supervisor is in Switzerland on furlough, and whilst I work out what I’m doing) about all of the ongoing projects that I am now responsible for. Me! Responsible! And it was quite a long list too. There are many roles in a workshop that I am familiar with, but responsibility for overseeing whole projects is not one of them, nor is responsibility something I have sought after either. Instantly as Bryan showed me the list and I looked down it, I fell short of breath. I don’t know that I should be responsible for making sure remote hospitals get the solar installation they need and that it’s specified correctly to power all of their equipment, whilst being affordable, or if I can be responsible for making sure that a group of remote schools get radio’s and transmitters installed before their funding is withdrawn (to name just two of the things on the list). These things are really important and that’s a lot of pressure. I don’t want to mess it up. And I don’t know how to do it. But then 6 short years ago when I started my last job, I’m not sure I even knew which end of a screwdriver to hold (let alone which way to turn it), I’m sure my old colleagues will testify to that! And quickly God reminded me of what He can do in and through me, and that He knew what he was doing, and in a few fleeting moments, my fear turned into excitement, excitement to be part of this, to be doing something that really matters, to be in a place where I had my part to play, a place with room to grow, and a place, where I belong.