This week I drove a car for the first time in 19 months. The
last time I drove I was driving back from the clinic in Papua New Guinea for
them to look into whether or not the little jerks I got occasionally were
anything to worry about – I even got pulled over by a police man, don’t worry,
it was just a routine check. I have to say, getting into the driving seat I was
quite nervous, but everything went very well, I didn’t even get pulled over by
the police! Beforehand I was worried that I may have forgotten some things or
lost my driving instinct but it all came straight back to me. It was just like
riding a bike – except with very different pedals and a steering wheel instead
of handle bars.
As I was getting my confidence back, I couldn’t help
thinking how strange it was that everyone else driving around me had no idea
about my circumstance or experience. I was just another faceless driver to
them. And likewise, so were they to me. They could be having the best day of
their lives, or their worst. And I wouldn’t know. They may have just been given
a promotion – or the sack. They could be on the way to the hospital, to visit a
new born relative or a dying one. Or they could just be having a really normal
day. Should I treat them any differently depending upon how their day has been?
Yet truthfully it seems only fair to have more patience with someone if they’re
having a bad day. Should my ignorance to their circumstance be an excuse to my
lack of patience?
It’s easy to dehumanise the other drivers on the road, but I
fear that I can be just as flippant with the humanity of all the people I meet during
a regularly day. It’s easier not to consider them as people so as to excuse my
cold behaviour towards them and even at times allow me to pour out my
frustration towards them. And yet allowing myself to feel negatively towards
them does nothing to lighten my burden or to cheer my mood. Strangely however,
if I stop just seeing the retail worker or the postman or the cold caller, but
instead see; Dave the guy who’s just started a new job, or Lucy who’s been
walking for three hours in the pouring rain, or Mike who’s got a poorly little
girl at home who he’s worried sick about, then something changes inside.
Because we’re all people, we all have our frustrations and problems, just as we
can all be frustrating and all make mistakes. And so I feel less inclined to feel
frustrated and impatient towards them and more likely to feel compassion
towards them. The negative feelings that slowly gnaw away at me are replaced
with love, which actually feels pretty nice. It changes how I behave outwardly,
but it also changes how I feel inwardly and it is without doubt I who benefits
the most. I will never know the half of what is going on in the lives of those
who pass me by, but I won’t allow that to be an excuse to discount their
humanity.
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