Episode 4 – Do not be afraid

#pngretold - retelling the events of exacly two weeks ago

I'm awake! I've had a couple of hours sleep, but still suffering from extreme tiredness. It's five in the evening and almost time for dinner. As I awaken I feel overwhelmed by all of this, like I'm floating in space and unable to hold onto anything firm and solid. I expected there to be a moment in which it would all suddenly hit me and I'd ask myself; “what on earth am I doing here?”. This isn't that moment. I know exactly what I'm doing here, and I am as certain as ever that this is where I am supposed to be. But despite this, everything suddenly feels like it's going to be very hard. I know that it's just because I'm super tired and not thinking straight, but this life all of a sudden feels very intimidating. Every little aspect of life, however small, that I have ever worried about, however briefly, suddenly appears before me like an apparition. And it's good. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared. I know that I don't need to be. I know that it won't last. And I know that this life will be okay. More than okay. Much more than okay. But right now in this moment, I'm scared. These fears now stand before me and stare me in the face. Fears that I have paid little attention to because I knew that they would be dealt with, fears like that of not being able to make close friendships and not being able to fit in. Fears that hadn't even occurred to me until now, fears like having to relearn every aspect of life, however simple, because of the very different culture, or losing my freedom because of safety concerns. And the one fear that I knew would be hard, the fear of living without the one thing I never want to have to live my life without: My family. And so my fears have stepped from the shadows and look me in the eyes. And this is good. It is difficult to defeat an enemy that you cannot see. But now I know the face of my fears, I can do what I need to, to make sure that they are powerless to hurt me. Right now I am scared. And it is good. I will put my trust in God. And I will not be afraid. 

Not the scariest thing in PNG