Episode 92 - Party!

So unfortunately I must start this weeks blog with a confession. I'm afraid I haven't written a blog this week, but it is for a most wonderful reason. This weekend a two friends of mine got married (to each other). To be honest, only a few weeks ago I really wasn't looking forward to it. Being ill and looking in on your friends from the side-lines whilst they have fun can be hard no matter how happy you are for them. So now that I'm better, being able to really be part of the celebration has been incredible. To be able to come down early in the week and help prepare for the celebration whilst catching up with old friends has been quite incredible. I have been able to connect with people in a way that I haven't been able to for so long. And as it turns out, I'm also able to party in a way that I haven't been able to for so long too! So I'm sorry that this isn't a proper blog, but here's a rare picture of me dancing to make up for it! And no, I'm afraid I still no good at dancing!..

Episode 91 - Everything Old is New Again

When a baby is born into the world, everything is new. Everything. Every sight, every smell, every moment is a new experience. To begin with it all mixes together to form an overwhelming cacophony of newness until eventually things start to become familiar and normal. With every new experience there is new delight (or sometimes disgust) to be found. In some ways I can very much relate. I like to think that I’ve always been one to enjoy life, but having spent over a year sheltered away through illness, now that I’m re-emerging into the world everything seems to have a new brightness to it. Things I had forgotten about and didn’t even realise I missed come back in vibrant technicolour. Everything from bird song in my ears and a cold wind against my skin to being able perform a cheeky little skip when I think no-one’s looking (not that I’m admitting to doing that…)

It’s a good reminder that life is amazing and beautiful. Although though it’s sometimes hard to understand, or sometimes even just plain hard, even then it is still amazing and beautiful. And God is at work in it at all times, and He always gives good gifts to us. I can only hope that this moment and the lessons from this journey can last. I pray that when life starts to seem mundane again and the colour begins to drain from it, I might then remember this time and the colour would begin to flood my world again. Because God is always good. If only I would remember to remember that a little more often!

This week has been the first full week that I have been better and it has been incredibly exciting (in case you hadn’t picked up on that already). I’ve wanted to do everything imaginable! But I haven’t. I have been surprisingly self-restrained. When I got better I felt very strongly that it was important to keep this first week apart from everything else and reserved just for my family and for God (so if I haven’t replied to your email yet, I’m sorry but at least now you know why!) I wanted to save this time as both a mark of respect and an act of love and devotion. And because selfishly although I wanted to do everything and spend time with everyone, they (my family and God) were the people I most wanted to spend my time with and I really wanted to reconnect with them. And I’m very glad I did. Apart from achieving all that I’d hoped for, it made me realise something else very important.

At the beginning of this week I felt like I could do anything, and I mean anything. And I’m not talking Mathew 19:26. At the beginning of the week I think I probably thought that I could climb Everest whilst carrying a rhino and playing a kazoo. I can’t. Playing a kazoo is surprisingly hard. Okay, so I was never very likely to try to do any of that, but I think I would have very gladly booked up every second of every minute of the rest of the year and been convinced that it wouldn’t have been too much. I was wrong. My lovely physio pointed out this week that I had done virtually no exercise whatsoever for over a year, which meant that it would take time for me to regain my physical fitness no matter how great I felt. Not only that, but the same applied to my mental state too. He told me that I need to take things slowly and the even just a twenty minute walk would leave me feeling worn out. He was right. A fact I unwittingly proved shortly after the appointment. So I will follow my physio’s advice and realise that this advice is for much more than just this one time in my life.

You see, this isn’t the first new chapter in my life and looking back I can see a pattern. In the excitement of the new beginning, the new direction, the calling I feel from God, I want to respond instantly. I want to do everything at once. I want to dive straight in and do everything right away. Which just isn’t possible. And all too easily I can find myself overwhelmed with everything happening at once. And then all too easily the important things in life can get pushed out by the urgent things in life. Things that only exist so quickly and so urgently because I rushed in too soon. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Not even Roger Bannister could win a marathon in the first mile. So I will take this new beginning slowly and ease myself into this next chapter of my life. I hope that from now on whatever new chapters come my way, I will always take time to pause and let God be my pace setter.

Episode 90 - Healing Hand

Some things in life are easy to explain, like the offside rule or why balancing my phone on top of my glass of water was a bad idea. Other things are much harder to understand, like Bitcoin, Modern art and how to fill in a tax return. In many ways, my past year or so is firmly placed in the latter category. I became ill for seemingly no apparent reason. Along with many other peculiar symptoms, I suffered from a strange tension like feeling inside my body which expressed itself outwardly as uncontrolled movements in my arms and legs, I got very bad headaches, had very little energy and lived with a cloud over my mind so it was hard to think clearly, converse or really do that much at all. It began quite mildly but continued to get worse as time went on. The Doctors looked and looked and performed their tests but were never able to form a solid diagnosis.

But during this time, prayers from hundreds of people from all over the world have been raised to God on my behalf. Thank you so much if your prayers are in that number, they not only mean an awful lot to me personally, they are also powerful and effective – even if we don’t see their results immediately. If the course of the past year had been hard to understand, then what has happened in the last week has been nearly impossible to get my head around. Fortunately, it’s as easy to explain as it is difficult to fully comprehend.

Last Sunday, Becky (my Girlfriend) felt prompted by God to pray over me. She realised that though she had facilitated lots of prayer for me, she had never actually prayed over me herself. In truth, she easily allowed herself to fade into the background because she felt unconfident in her own prayers, particularly when surrounded by so many people with great experience and eloquent speech. But on Sunday night she really felt that God wanted her to pray over me, particularly over each part of my body in turn. And so she did. She didn’t pretend to know what was wrong with me, or even to know what to say. But she knew that God knew what to do and so she prayed.

As she started to pray I began shaking violently all over, which is something which happens with my illness sometimes. She started with my head and she prayed over it. Then when she had finished praying over my head she prayed over my neck. Then my shoulders. Then my chest and my back. You’re probably getting the picture, you know what the human body looks like.

Then she prayed over my upper arms and as she did, I started to realise that they were shaking less until they were completely still. Then she prayed over my forearms and the same thing happened again. And then again with my hands. And my whole upper body was still. But my legs on the other hand, they were still flailing around like they had a life of their own. So she prayed over my thighs and they became still. And then my calves and they became still. And then my feet and they became still. And my whole body was completely still except for my toes that were still wiggling away. So finally she prayed for my toes and they became still. And I was completely still. From my head to my toes. For the first time really since coming back from Papua New Guinea.

Over the next few days we continued to pray and many people prayed with me and for me, and by Wednesday morning, all of my symptoms had gone. The tiredness, the shaking, the headaches and the fog over my mind. I felt completely transformed, like I was a new man! It feels amazing in a way I can’t really describe (but that I’m sure I’ll attempt to over the next few blogs as I get used to having myself back). I’m very much still getting used to it, but it is more wonderful than words describe. And I don’t think that there is much else I can say other than praise God for He is mighty and wonderful and He has healed me! And to thank you for sharing in my journey by reading these blogs. For sharing in my frustration and pain during this time. And that now I hope you can share in my joy too! Praise the Lord!